And, the weaning continues....

More bloodwork today, I feel like I'm going to be getting bloodwork every Monday for the next 7 months! I'll be glad when it's done. Anyway, estrogen is still 1213, way above what they want of 300. Progesterone was up to 25.9, up from 18.2 even after reducing PIO down to every other day. I get to cut some more meds out! But, I do my meds after other day which is Tues and Thurs this week and due to the holiday I can't get bw done two days after a change so I have to wait to change meds on Saturday with a check on Monday!

Before I do the what baby is up to update, I just have to laugh as baby center does a little section on what is going on with me. It says and I quote "If you're like most women, you're feeling a bit more energetic now and your nausea may be starting to wane." I'm not MOST women. But, this is something I already knew after doing IVF 3 freaking times! I feel worse than ever. So, I apologize for my lack of blog reading/posting and emails but I have felt horrible. I spent the past four days in bed.

Today marks 11 weeks and 1 day! Here is what baby is up to....





Your baby, just over 1 1/2 inches long and about the size of a fig, is now almost fully formed. Her hands will soon open and close into fists, tiny tooth buds are beginning to appear under her gums, and some of her bones are beginning to harden.

She's already busy kicking and stretching, and her tiny movements are so effortless they look like water ballet. These movements will become more frequent as her body grows and becomes more developed and functional. You won't feel your baby's acrobatics for another month or two — nor will you notice the hiccupping that may be happening now that her diaphragm is forming.

Merry Christmas!

I had my bw rechecked this morning to make sure things didn't drop too much. Estrogen was still up at 1023! Progesterone was at 18.2. It definitely decreased but she said 18-20 is a normal range. So, I can stay at 1cc every other day. WOO HOO! I have a recheck on Monday to see about weaning more. I still have one estrogen patch and the two estrace pills to wean. She said if my numbers are still good on Monday, I can drop the PIO to 1/2cc every other day. I hope so for my butt's sake.

I hope that everyone has a wonderful holiday with family, friends, and tons of good food!

10 Weeks, 1 day! More Bloodwork!!

I had bloodwork this morning to check on the estrogen and progesterone. My estrogen was 1522!!! It was about 900 last Monday so even after going down to 2 patches and continuing 2 estrace pills, it went up quite a bit. Sooo, I get to take a patch off. Woo hoo! We are down to 1 patch and 2 pills!!! good stuff!

The progesterone came in at 42, up from 35 last week. She said it was twice what they like to see so being my butt is purple and extremely sore, I'm going to try weaning again. The last time I tried to wean, it didn't go well, my progesterone fell from 35 to 12. We've waited another two weeks so we will give it a shot. HAHA, shot, get it? :) I would like to wait another week but given the way the holidays fall next week, I either try this week or wait til the week after. So, tonight, I do 1cc of PIO and nothing tomorrow, recheck blood on Wednesday. I'm giddy with excitement. Please work!!!

Here's what baby is up to this week:



Although he's barely the size of a kumquat — a little over an inch or so long, crown to bottom — and weighs less than a quarter of an ounce, your baby now has completed the most critical portion of his development. This is the beginning of the so-called fetal period, a time when the tissues and organs in his body rapidly grow and mature. If you could take a peek inside your womb, you'd spot minute details, like tiny nails forming on fingers and toes (no more webbing) and peach-fuzz hair beginning to grow on tender skin. He's swallowing fluid and kicking up a storm. Vital organs — including his kidneys, intestines, brain, and liver (now making red blood cells in place of the disappearing yolk sac) — are in place and starting to function, though they'll continue to develop throughout your pregnancy.

In other developments: Your baby's limbs can bend now. His hands are flexed at the wrist and meet over his heart, and his feet may be long enough to meet in front of his body. The outline of his spine is clearly visible through translucent skin, and spinal nerves are beginning to stretch out from his spinal cord. Your baby's forehead temporarily bulges with his developing brain and sits very high on his head, which measures half the length of his body. From crown to rump, he's about 1 1/4 inches long. In the coming weeks, your baby will again double in size — to nearly 3 inches.

Time for a poll!

Being we did the CGH testing, we know that a boy and a girl were put back. But, only one stuck! So, we have to wait like normal people to find out what baby is. In the meantime, figured that I'd put up a poll to see what everyone thinks. I've had people express opinions and it's pretty consistent, I won't say which so it doesn't push you to vote one way or another. Plus, I have a very strong gut feeling that I know what it is as well. So, have at it and VOTE!

9 Weeks, 1 Day, Bloodwork Day!

I had my progesterone and estrogen rechecked. The progesterone is back up! Thank god. It is at 35 again, where it was two weeks ago before it dropped to 12 when trying to wean me. They are not going to try to wean me this week. My estrogen is up to 969!! It was about 800ish last week after a drop in patches so I can drop another patch, yippee. They said I could drop the patch tomorrow and get levels rechecked on Thursday. But, I am going to wait until Sunday's change in patches so I can get it checked with progesterone as well. It's $185 each time I get it checked so I would rather get them checked together next week.

So, all is well for another week. I'm still feeling uneasy with the pregnancy, nervous. I wasn't going to do a weekly update this week but I'm trying to overcome my anxiety. So, here it goes, here's a photo off babycenter on what baby looks like now and below is what baby is up to!




Baby is nearly an inch long — about the size of a grape — and weighs just a fraction of an ounce. She's starting to look more and more human. Her essential body parts are accounted for, though they'll go through plenty of fine-tuning in the coming months. Other changes abound: baby's heart finishes dividing into four chambers, and the valves start to form — as do her tiny teeth. The embryonic "tail" is completely gone. Your baby's organs, muscles, and nerves are kicking into gear. The external sex organs are there but won't be distinguishable as male or female for another few weeks.

Spotting is gone!

Thank god! It wasn't even really spotting, I completely freaked out for nothing. It was more of pink tinted cm which can be so typical less than 2 days after an exam and ultrasound but added with the drop in progesterone, it scared me. The fact that my estrogen did not drop is good and I'm glad to be able to atleast start that weaning process and be done to the 3 patches and two pills. The nurse said they will continue to wean me from patches and then the pills after. I do have to get my bloodwork rechecked on Monday. She said they will not try to wean me next week from progesterone. They want to get it back up to where it should be since it dropped last week. I'm glad because I was going to refuse anyways. I don't want another scare like that next week.

Also, I heard from my obgyn and all my labs came back normal with the exception of the urine. She said it had something, it was a voicemail so I couldn't understand but she said it was an indication of dehydration so to drink up!

Wonderful, spotting...

Seriously?! I don't need this after a drop in my levels. My cm was pink tinged and now I'm seeing blood. Of course, I did have the US on Monday and an exam but come on?! please stop, please go away. Of course, I'm at work, my boss doesn't know I'm pregnant, I already came in late to go to the PCP and leave early?!

CCRM just called me and the estrogen level is way above normal so I can stay on the new dosage for that!! So, that definitely makes me feel better. She felt that the spotting was definitely from the ultrasound and exam on Monday, to just take it easy. I feel better now knowing the estrogen is at a good level on the reduced meds. She tried to reassure me that the risk for miscarriage was greatly reduced at this point after seeing the hb on Monday. It helped a little, I guess...

Ok, a tad freaked out...

I got my progesterone levels back from Monday. So, last Wednesday, my progesterone was 34.9. CCRM said to drop to 1/2cc on Saturday and Sunday and get them rechecked Monday. Well, since I had an ob appt, I figured, I'd just have it done there instead of at the other place I'd been doing it at. They told me that they'd have it same day, of course, it didn't come back until today and the estrogen is still pending. Well, my progesterone dropped to 12.1! Um, that's a big drop!!! She asked if I used a different lab, I told her yes. She didn't seem concerned one bit but just said, some girls, the placenta doesn't kick in until 12 weeks so we need you to go back to 1cc. Yes, I know that the placenta doesn't kick in sometimes until 12 weeks but how could the progesterone drop so much from just going on 1/2cc of progesterone for two days?!

Updated Photos of Baby :)

I had my initial OB appt today being my gyn no longer delivers, have I mentioned how sad I am about that?? Anyways, everything looked good, measuring 8w3d, right on target! She got a history and did the US and exam. I liked her very much, seems nice. She is referring me out to a pulmonologist being I am having such a hard time with my asthma since being pregnant. I didn't even have to ask, before I said anything, she said off you go! I got tons of blood taken for all kinds of stuff, tsh, hiv, etc. It was pretty uneventful, the way we like it!

I do have to apologize for my lack of responding on everyone's blogs. I really haven't been feeling well and just trying to get through each day. Forgive me!!!

Progesterone and Estrogen Update!

Well, my estrogen is up to over 900 now. It's good to hear that since at the last check it was 500 ish after being in the 700's. It was scary to hear that drop. So for estrogen, I still need to take my two estrace pills but can cut down to 3 patches on Saturday!

My progesterone is 34.9. She told me I could switch to 1cc every other day but then asked about the spotting. I got so excited and she said you know what, stay at 1cc a day and go to 1/2cc per day on Saturday. So, while it's not to every other day, atleast it is a drop in meds which will hopefully lead to every other day PIO shots!!

I have to get my bloodwork rechecked on Tuesday. My poor poor veins. I'd been hitting my right side for so long and it finally blew. So, I went to the left and after only one stick, it was bad as well. This last draw, we went back to the right since it had time to heal and it's bad again too. I have no idea which vein to do next time.

Atleast, this is a start in the right direction of decreasing meds!! hooray!!

Big Sigh of Relief

I was doing so well. The bleeding stopped and I was a little anxious but realizing it is normal. Then, I went onto the first trimester board on the bump. A girl posted she had spotted on Friday and went into her regular ob appt. She miscarried. Yeah, that sent my anxiety ski high. So, I called CCRM got a script and rushed over to the local RE. Everything is fine, measuring 6w6d and I'm 7w1d so right on target with heartbeat in the 140's! All is good for now. Thanks for everyone's comments and concerns, it really did help.

Wonderful, beeding...

This afternoon, around 430pm, dh and I were doing the xmas decorating and I was just having alot of cramping and stretching pains. So, he continued while i saw with feet up. I went to use the restroom and blood. It was just like the bleeding that I had the day before my beta. It has since gotten much better but still there. It is red, pink, dark red. Anyone have experience with this? I'm 6w6d today. We saw the hb this past Wednesday. On Monday, I had an exam and us with my OB. I had a yeast infection so she put me on monistat 3 inserts. Then, on Wed, we had an ultrasound with the RE. I'm thinking the blood could be from all those exams? I read online that irritation to the cervix can do it. But, some personal experiences would be nice...

Beautiful Heartbeat

We had the first official ultrasound this morning with the RE doing the local monitoring. He found the one baby just as the obgyn did. The heart was measuring at 126. The RE measured me at 6w and I should be 6w3d so everything looks good!

I did get some pictures, small ones at that. I don't know how good they'll scan but we'll try this evening. My dh did take one with his cell too so hopefully, I will have something to post.

It looks like I'm gonna have a baby! who knew?!

Presenting Baby's first picture!

Ok, I've been absent. I haven't been feeling well from UTIs to yeast infections. Gotta love that endometrin! I think that's what did it to me. I really could go on bashing this woman at my ob's office but I will spare everyone and save my blood pressure by rehashing it. Instead, we'll go over the happy parts!

Today, I called my ob's office as I'm still having bad burning down there. After much annoyance, I got in. My doctor's nurse was like what's going? I told her about the burning from the supps and she was like wait, are you pregnant? I told her yes and she flipped. She was so happy. So, she was like, want an ultrasound? How could a pregnant person turn down an ultrasound?! So, off to a room, I went. My ob came in, ok, gyn, no longer an ob :( She asked, what is up? I told her well, I'm pregnant. She lost it and came running to give me a hug. It was really nice and honestly, I was shocked. She's been great, did my first lap, and even the biopsy for CCRM. I think by the time I left, she hugged me 5 more times and when she left, she gave me a big smooch on the cheek. She kept saying how excited she was for me! She even told me that if I need a C Section, she will come in to assist!!

She did an ultrasound for me and found one pretty embaby. She claimed she could see the heart flickering. I kinda saw it but it was so quick. It was funny, as she did the ultrasound, she said, honey, I only see one, is that okay? HELL YEAH, it is! But, it was nice that she was being sensitive. So, low and behold, baby's first photo.



Of course, we still have the ultrasound with the RE on Wednesday, hoping for a better zoom and more time to really see the heartbeat!!

Estrogen and Progesterone Update

This morning, I had my estrogen and progesterone rechecked. My progesterone was 9.6 and my estrogen was about 720. So, that means, I stay on the same meds. Bummer! I was hoping to come off of something. I need to continue my 4 patches every other day along with 2 estrace pills for the estrogen supplements. Then, I will continue my progesterone support but I am switching to PIO. I am insane, totally insane, yes, I know. But, I am having such a horrible reaction to the suppositories, I have now tried two different brands. My nurse said that I may start getting weaned after my next check which will be the same day as my ultrasound. I HOPE SO!!!

IVF #3 Recap

I'm trying to clean up and organize my blog better. I'm hoping it will help me keep better track of all my favorite blogs. So, I want to get rid of my IVF #3 summary on the sidebar but don't want to lose the info. Here it is:

6/30 - BCP started - cd3 bw, FSH 5.3, AMH 2.6, LH 2.9, E2 28
7/14 - Lupron and Dexamethasone started
7/19 - Last BCP taken
7/24 - suppression check
7/26 - start stims - 150iu Gonal-F and 75iu Menopur
7/27 - TRAVEL TO DENVER :)
7/29- stim check #1 - e2 307
7/31 - stim check #2 - e2 868
8/2 - stim check #3 - e2 at about 2300 - reduce gonal-f to 75iu, keep menopur in the am at 75iu
8/3 - trigger tonight, e2 over 4000
8/5 - ER
9/11 - Results are in! 5 normals
9/20 - Start BCP
10/7 - AF arrived
10/9 - start estrogen patches - 1 patch every other day, reduce lupron to 5 units
10/15 - E2 is 78, lining is 8mm, YIKES!
10/24 - E2 is 157, Lining is 11mm, start estrace for low estrogen
10/26 - Progesterone is 13.6
10/31 - Embryo Transfer, estrogen 257 and prog 5.6, increased endometrin to 4 and increased estrogen patches to 4
11/9 - beta is 119
11/11 - beta is 276

Not much new to report...

No more betas since it doubled. But, I do go in on Monday to have my estrogen and progesterone checked. I'm praying the levels are up so I can cut back a bit on some of these meds. Currently, I'm on 4 estrogen patches every other day and 2 estrace pills a day. For the progesterone, I am on 4 prometrium suppositories. I was on endometrin but it was causing some issues. I'll spare the details.

My first ultrasound is scheduled for November 26th at 8am. I am praying to God that we see a heartbeat. If we do, we will tell the hubby's family on Thanksgiving. We thought about waiting for Christmas but it just didn't feel right since my parents do know. They watched my cats while we went to Denver so she knew what was going on. We didn't tell dh's family in case it didn't work or so if it did work, it would be a big surprise! I was afraid that something might happen but if it did, we'd be skipping Christmas all together and we'd need to explain anyways.

So, that's my update.

Beta #2 is in!

276! 238 would have been the goal. So, that makes the doubling time 39.55 hours. That's a big relief. I go in on Monday to have estrogen and progesterone levels checked. My ultrasound will be on November 26th. It is the day before Thanksgiving. I can pretend for two more weeks. Good thing I'm at work, otherwise, I'd be sobbing uncontrollable. I really can't believe this is happening.


OK, I'm going to be brave and move my ticker to the top, I did make one but put it at the bottom out of fear. BUT, I am desperately going to try to enjoy this like a normal person.

I feel so sick.

I had my blood drawn for beta #2 this morning. It should be back from the lab anywhere from 11:45am to 2pm. Of course, the local RE will fax to CCRM and then, I have to wait for the call. But, I already talked to my nurse this morning who is AWESOME!!! love her! So, she knows where to call and that I'm anxious.

come on 240!!!

I am another CCRM Success Story! BFP!

FIRST BFP at 8dp5dt at 3pm!



These two were taken this morning.







Ok, I think you get the point. I could continue to upload more, I do have more. And, I'm sure I'll continue to take more as the days pass. Now, I am officially addicted to POAS! I did cave yesterday around 3pm. I was describing some pains to a friend and she was like yeah, um, you are pregnant. That's round ligament pain. She seemed so convinced and I really did feel different so I caved. It's a good thing because around 4:30pm, I had some slight bleeding/spotting. So, I would have caved when I saw that anyways. Fortunately, the bleeding did stop before going to bed. Of course, I discussed this w CCRM, all is fine.

So, CCRM called w my beta this morning and it was 119. I'm pregnant. I did also ask what they put back since we did the genetic testing, it was one male and one female. I'm still in quite a bit of shock. I can't believe this is happening.

I know that some of you know me in real life. Please, I ask you not to tell anyone. I will not be telling family members for quite sometime.

8dp5dt, Did you think I'd cave?!

HA! I bet you thought I did. NOPE TRY AGAIN! The more I thought about it, the more I have just stressed over it. I really was going to test this morning. Let's face it, 13dpo?! But, my husband has to work. It's not so much about not being able to be together if it's positive BUT not having the support if it's negative. No one in our families know we did the transfer part yet except my mother who conveniently left for Europe on Monday, great timing eh?!?

So, the plan is that I will pee in a cup before we leave for the beta on Sunday morning. This way, I won't be crying as they draw the blood being it's my old clinic. Yes, I know they'll get the results anyways but it's the actual lady drawing my blood that I don't want to see me crying if it's negative. She's seen me cry enough. Then, when we get back, I'll take the test and we'll wait for the call. This way, we're prepared! Sorry, I know that it's torture and most people are POASaholics but just not me.

Here it is, 7dp5dt, Did you think I'd cave?

NOPE! I sure didn't. Yeah, Yeah, I know, today is really a reliable day to test. I've always LIVED by that 12 day rule too. But, I know me, if it's negative, I can't function at work and I must work being I'm so far in the hole from being out all the time for this. I'm so nervous, anxious and terrified. In a few days, my life is going to change so drastically one way or another. I'm so afraid that it'll be for the worst. I need to move forward.

Today is also the one year anniversary of my first frozen embryo transfer (FET). I can't believe it's been a year. I remember that day like it was yesterday but it does feel so long ago. At the time, I thought for sure that I was going to get pregnant. Of course! Doesn't everyone get pregnant on their first IVF? I feel so badly about that whole transfer. It all went so wrong starting w the OHSS on the fresh cycle where they were created. I knew it at the time too and tried asking my doctor but even after it failed, he wouldn't commit 100% that my lining was a disaster. We also lost 2 embryos that day. One didn't survive the thaw. I was told that the other was so crappy that they just discarded it. It made for a stressful transfer as well being they also called me an hour before asking I hurry up and get there because of the one that was hatching.

So, a little tribute to the first embabies I had put back in me. You can see the one on the left is hatching. I was told that it was so perfect that it could be in a textbook. Although, I know that means nothing now. My best looking embryos at CCRM were chromosomally abnormal so who knows if this one was or not. We'll never know what went wrong and I've accepted that. But, it just makes me sad. It's amazing to think that they'd be turning 4 months old.

Pseudo Pregnancy

For the past several days, I've had a zillion pregnancy symptoms. BUT, I do realize it's the progesterone talking. Today, I woke up, they're all gone including the major sore boobs and I feel like my period is on its way. Yeah, I know, I've heard a zillion times from girls, I felt just like I was getting my period before I got my BFP. I simply can't think that way. Does anyone have a crystal ball cause this crap is for the birds? really, it is. How am I possibly going to make it through this? I'm going nutz. I guess I'll go back to try and focus on my work but it's just so hard....

Absolutely SCARED TO DEATH!

That would about sum up how I feel today. I'm no idiot, I realize that I'm entering the "testing window." I could have tested today and maybe/maybe not have found out if it worked. I realize that but I just can't do it. I have to work for the next two days. I'm not the type of person who could test and still have hope if I got a BFN even knowing that today could be a bfn and friday could be a bfp. This is why I don't test early.

I'm terrified of this not working. I am going to be a complete disaster if it doesn't. It takes me so long and so much energy to dig myself out of an IVF BFN. I've already done it twice and I'm so afraid that I don't have the energy to do it again and proceed. I know I'll find it and move forward but I just don't want to go through it again. Also, please no comments to stay positive, I'm not being negative, just expressing my anxiety. Thanks.

Safe and Sound in Florida

We're home! ok, so we got home yesterday but I've been too lazy to blog. I thought I'd blog about the day of the transfer...

On Friday morning, we got up and headed to Mimi's Cafe for breakfast at the recommendation of friends who live there. It was delicious. The hubby got pancakes and I think those were the best pancakes that I've ever eaten. After we drove around for a little bit since we still had some time to kill. We arrived at 10:15am as requested. I got my blood drawn to check my estrogen and progesterone levels. As I was getting my blood drawn, Anna from the lab hunted me down to sign paperwork. Once all that was done, we headed to the 2nd floor. After a few minutes or so, Lori greeted us. She was the acupuncturist. She was awesome too! So, hubby and I went back to the room, I got changed into my gown and went over a few things w her in regards to when the last time I did acupuncture was and my sensitive spots. We decided now was the time for valium since acupuncture does freak me a little. She did the first half of the treatment and was sooo incredibly gentle. She wouldn't leave the room if any of the needles were bugging me. She put them in my feet, legs, stomach, ears, head and wrist. The ear ones hurt a tad going in but they seemed to be better in time. She left and came back, rotated the needles and left again.

Once she was done, the nurses came in to start going over what I can and can't do for the next week or so and how to handle bedrest. Can you say strict? geesh! recline the seat on the way back to the hotel, no lifting more than 5 pounds until beta, in bed for 36 hours, basically until we left, etc. It was a list but I won't bore. One of the nurses even said you probably don't remember me but I took care of you in August! I thought that was funny, of course I remember!! They checked my bladder to make sure it was full enough and I'm not going to lie, I had hoped it was too full since I had to go but no such luck!! DARN IT! Dr. G came in went over our embryos and said that they thawed 2 and both did great, one at 98% and the other at 100%. He was happy and said it really doesn't get better than that. He checked the US and said, ok, looks like the bladder is full enough. So, just one rule, no peeing on me! great, way to make a lady who has to pee bad, laugh! :) It was funny. The embrylogist came in with our embryos. They were in like an incubator type device with a monitor on top. She put them on the monitor and there they were. You could clearly see the one on the right was doing something, I figured it was hatching so I asked. Sure enough, Dr. G and the embrylogist said, it's hatching, exactly what we like to see! The embrylogist said they looked very good. She put them in the tube and handed it over to Dr. G. He put them back w me, the embrylogist checked the tube to make sure and we were done! At some point, we were talking w Dr. G and realized that while we were in Gainesville for college, he was there as well for medical school. I thought that was funny.

After the procedure, I was in bed for 15 minutes, then a nurse came in to see if I wanted to use a bed pan. I declined. The nurse reclined the bed so my head was back to help w blood flow. Lori came back for part 2 of the acupuncture. I can't remember where all the needles went this time but one was in between the eyes, that was a new one for me. Once she was done, I had about 10 min left on bedrest. It was a total of one hour after the procedure. Then, I got to use the bathroom finally! The nurse took me down in a wheelchair and we were off back to the hotel! :)

Happy Halloween!

Transfer is complete, I have 2 embryos happily inside me. Both embryos that were thawed survived. One thawed at 100% and the other at 98%. I'm not sure what that means exactly but he said you really can't get better than that. Dr. G said it went well, looks good and one of our embryos was hatching on the screen. We didn't take a picture and we didn't ask what they were. Honestly, I was so caught up in the moment and amazed by seeing them that I completely forgot. I am off to continue bedrest and focus on my embabies. Thanks everyone for the amazing support.

My beta is in over a week or so. I have alot of anxiety about it so I would appreciate it if no one would pressure me to POAS or ask about my beta. For now, I want to enjoy that I have them back and focus on that. Thanks!

Safe and Sound in Denver

We arrived on-time and safely this morning. We have to be at CCRM at 10:15am. Dr. G will be doing my transfer, he also did my ER! I am so excited.

We are off to enjoy some more time in Denver. It is GORGEOUS here, perfect weather. While I really wanted to see some snow, the trees are amazing, orange, red, yellow... BEAUTIFUL. I'll try to take some pics and post.

Does that say 2 days until my FET? NO WAY!

I can't believe that the time is here, FINALLY!! I am excited, nervous, scared, you know it, I feel it. The nurse called and we have our transfer on Friday at 12:30pm, Denver time, of course. My hubby talked to her since I was not home so I am still not sure who will be doing it. We have to arrive at 10:15 since I need to have bloodwork done, sign paperwork and do acupuncture. We will be transferring 2 embryos. If anyone has extra fingers or toes to cross, prayers they can say, or even just good vibes, I would greatly appreciate it. I'm still unsure as to whether we will find out the sexes or not.

I have tons of stuff that I need to do so I'm going to wrap it up. If I appear to go missing for a few days, please understand that even though I'm on bedrest, I will probably stay off email, facebook, nest, blogs for a bit as to remain calm and relaxed, trying to avoid outside irritations. :P It's been a long road to Friday and I want to make sure that I do everything in my power both physically and mentally for this to work, no regrets! Thank you everyone for being so unbelievably supportive. I don't think I can ever explain how helpful it is whether it be a comment to my blog, giving advice, sending me wishes or talking to me daily via email to help keep me sane. It's been more helpful than anyone will know.

I'll try to update after my transfer but I can't make any promises, I'm sure that I'll be high on valium.

Happy Halloween! :)

HOLY MOLY! I leave in 2 days!!

I am so excited. I just have to get through 2 more days of work. We've both packed for the most part, more him than me. I'll finish up tonight since I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow night. I won't get home until late and I want to get to bed early since our flight is early. Fortunately, the past 2 nites, I have woke up twice to go to the bathroom. I really don't get it. Last night, I woke up at 345am and 545am. When I got up at 545am, I could believe how badly I had to go. So, I shouldn't have a problem getting up for our flight.

I'm really not digging the progesterone suppositories. Besides the absolute grossness of them, I am sooo irritable and aggitated. Plus, I'm not sure if this is a coincidence but I am so itchy in random places but it's an intense itch. It's driving me bonkers especially since I can't take anything for it!!

I am so anxious, can't wait to get to Denver!!!

Progesterone is at 13.6!!

They wanted it to be 6. We're on our way...

4 days!! 4 days!!

so excited. I am really excited to get out of town, get my babies back and be in Denver! it couldn't come soon enough...

I had my progesterone checked this morning. So, hopefully, it's good enough. I really do NOT want to add PIO to this mix. I've got enough meds to take!

I'm giddy, no shots tonight!.

It's so nice to not take lupron tonight! But, I added so many new drugs today that it takes a ton of coordinating. I added the progesterone suppositories and I have to do that 3 times a day. I also started medrol which I have to take at bedtime. Plus, there's the usual prenatal vitamin and aspirin. I am also taking tetracycline which I started tonight. I have to take it 4 times a day and it has to be taken 1 hour before a meal or two hours after, not within an hour of iron or antacids. Geesh. I think that's all of them. Honestly, I'm having a hard time keeping track of it all. Plus, there's also the estrace and estrogen patches. I hope that I don't forget any of these. I think once the tetracycline and medrol are done that it will be easier. I have to continue taking the rest until my beta and hopefully until I am weaned off at some point....

So, we're at 5 days now and I am very excited. My hubby got together everything he's bringing and we got together our toiletries. Being we are not checking luggage, we have to make sure everything fits in the quart size bag and is under 3 ounces. I started putting together some things in my suitcase as well. I'm kinda worried we won't have room for everything but I refuse to check luggage. I just want to get off the plane and go!! I can't wait to get my embabies back with me.

Woah! My ticker says 6 days! 6 days!

Didn't my ticker just say 2 weeks and 3 days? woah, ok, that time flew by...

I just took my LAST lupron shot. BYE BYE Lupron! I will NOT miss you one freaking bit. You are a major pain in the ass. It was also my last SHOT! NO MORE NEEDLES! hooray for that. Of course, the last one hurt. Tomorrow, I start tetracycline, medrol and progesterone! I think I am in need of all 3. Medrol and progesterone are going to help so much with all this pain from lupron. AND, tetracycline is hopefully going to help with this allergy thing I have been having. I think it has turned into a sinus infection. I did google it and it looks like it can be used to treat that, thank god!! I have been doing the sinus rinse and it is helping but I think that it's just so bad that the sinus rinse isn't cutting it. I think I need to be using the sinus rinse as a preventive measure weekly.


So, that's about it! We leave for Denver on Thursday morning, direct flight at 730ish. We arrive in Denver on Thursday, 9:30am. On a bummer note, the forecast is NOT looking good for snow. The highs are suppose to be around 65 w lows in the 40's. So, it is definitely a change from this awful heat here in South Florida but I was hoping to see some of that white stuff.

My progesterone check is Monday! :)

New Medication - Estrace!

I heard from my nurse, estrogen is 157, a bit lower than they'd like but my lining is great. She said that's what was important. I will start taking estrace twice a day, starting tonight. She said once I take it, my estrogen will shoot up and be fine in time for transfer. I'm still staying on 2 patches. That's about it! I have progesterone check on Monday.

Looks like we're headed to Denver! :)

I had my bloodwork and ultrasound this morning. My lining is at 11! :) The local doctor said he likes to see it at 12-14. He also said something to the nurse about trilateral something? Anybody know what that is? I have heard of the triple stripe so I'm wondering if that is. I'm not sure. I did look at the monitor and I thought I could see the 3 lines but I'm no doctor. So, I will wait to get the all good from Colorado but it sounds all very good!!! :) I'll update once I hear from them.

Have I mentioned how much I love Schoolcraft and CCRM? When I did this locally, my lining got to be 17.5. BUT, because he saw it coming along too fast last week, he cut me back on estrogen. When I mentioned to the RE here that is doing my monitoring, he was like, eek, yeah, 17.5 is a bit to thick. GEESH! I could never get my old RE to say that. oh well, whatever. It seems like every single concern that I've expressed to CCRM has been addressed and/or resolved. I got nothing but headaches and random explanations when they were expressed to my doctor at home. Now, to just get pregnant!!

2 New Patches!

so thrilling, I know, the excitement is unbearable!! I have to contain myself as well. ;)

Well, there really isn't much to report. My allergies are still driving me bonkers. I'm not sure how I'm going to live without zyrtec but with everything, I'm sure I'll manage. The sore throat seems to have gone. Thank God! So, I guess I will see how I continue to feel. I'm going to get some OJ this morning, as well. Thanks for the idea Ms. J!

Tomorrow is my BIG ultrasound, praying for the perfect lining! I will feel so much better tomorrow once all is said and done. I'm looking forward to NO more lupron. The shot last night was a bit bloody, quite unusual but it happens.

I can't believe that assuming if all goes well tomorrow, I will be in flight to Denver at this time 1 week from now! It is suppose to be high of 59 on Halloween and low of 39! :) They got snow last night so we'll see if it plans to come around for me. I'm so hoping and praying not only that this works but that it's the LAST time that I do lupron, the last time I do shots, the last time I deal with this. I so badly want to put everything that I can about this journey behind me. I have so much good and so much bad from all of this to take forward, I just want to do it already. It's way time that I moved on along with so many others who have been through just as much if not more.

9 Days! 2 more til ultrasound and bloodwork.

YES, I am counting!!! :)

I woke up this morning with a sore throat. I am praying to god that I'm not sick. It wasn't too bad this morning and it does feel better. Please Please Please, I can't get sick right now!!!

2 new patches today!

Yippee! so exciting, isn't it? No, not really, I know, it's quite boring for me as well. It is getting close and I feel like I can almost reach it. It's just a little bit out of my reach. I'm sure that has alot to do with Friday's ultrasound and bloodwork. I'm just hoping and praying that my lining is cooperating. I will be beyond bummed if I'm cancelled. I'm not even sure if that is a possibility or just plain in my head because I'm so paranoid and guarded.

I can't believe my ticker says 1 week and 3 days. The time has started to move a bit quicker and this weekend should fly by. Of course, I can't wait to have my FET done but I just want to be in Denver. You always hear how people travel to Denver and don't leave or move there, I can completely see why but it's ever more than just that Denver is beautiful. Denver has positivity for me, it's my happy place. Right now, my life is consumed with TTTC because it takes so much time to learn about it all and to cope with it. Denver is where the positivity is, where the good things w TTTC have happened and most importantly, it's where my embryos are. It's hard to explain and maybe I make sense. If this works, it's where my children will have been conceived, if it doesn't, it's where the closest thing I will ever have to biological children will have been for me. Ok, I feel like I'm just rambling now....

Ok, on a lighter note, did I mention, I REALLY REALLY want to see snow?!? It's been 20 years for me. Snow or not, this Floridian is going to freeze her butt off in a little over a week!! ;)

2 more patches, 6 more lupron shots to go! (I hope)

Yesterday, I changed my patches, two more. It sounds so exciting. I was suppose to go up to 3 patches yesterday but because the lining was already getting thick, he's cut back. Hopefully, it's enough. I also only have 6 MORE lupron shots!!! It's the only shot that I have to do right now and it'll be so nice to not have to do it. It's really not a big deal. The needle is very thin and 95% of the time, you can't even feel it going in. But, it's just the thought of a shot and the medication. For those who haven't taken it, it's an EVIL medication. It makes you feel horrible, headaches, joint pain, etc...

This weekend, I still felt horrible. I took a 4 hour nap on Saturday and a 2 hour nap yesterday. Of course, I slept in both days. In addition to feeling like crap for all this, my allergies are killing me. I took zyrtec and benadryl which helps along with the sinus rinse. Of course, the nurse told me that when I start progesterone, I can no longer take either one of those. I know most people take benadryl but for some reason, they do not want me taking it.

So, that about sums it up. I have my next check on Friday. I'm so worried that it'll be a no go but there's nothing else we can do, everything is being done that can be.

Two Weeks, Two Patches

It's nice to feel like we're getting close. This morning, I increased my estrogen to 2 patches and we're also exactly 2 weeks from the transfer!!

I wish I could say I'm excited but quite honestly, I'm terrified. I really haven't been feeling well. My lower back is really bothering me. I'll be seeing my chiropractor this afternoon. Plus, I have a massage on next Friday! I've been laying in bed most nights resting and falling asleep early. It is helping and I do start to feel better. But, once I get up in the morning for work, I feel awful again. This morning, I woke up and was tired but felt better. I've been at work for one hour and already my back hurts and my feet are throbbing. I just want to go back to bed and lay down. I think I will feel much better once I get the go ahead to start progesterone. My thick lining is making me NERVOUS!!!

Alright, I'm FREAKING OUT!!!

First check, estrogen is 78, good, lining is at 8mm already! She said they like to see it at 8-10 when starting the progesterone. I start that on the 26th. So, my lining still has over a week to thicken. So, she is going to talk to Schoolcraft about it and see if we should back off on the patches. UPDATE - Schoolcraft is having me back off the estrogen. I was suppose to start on 2 patches on Friday, 3 on Sunday and 4 on Tuesday. Instead, I will start on 2 patches on Friday and change them every other day. I will never increase to more than 2 patches.

Some of you asked why I was having the early ultrasound. This is exactly why. On my local FET, I had one ultrasound a day before starting progesterone. At that check, it was 17.5mm, my transfer was done and it failed. hmmm, I wonder why? CCRM wouldn't have done the transfer.

This is exactly what I was afraid of. Hopefully, he can fix this...

Please remember to light your candle at 7pm tonight...

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Please consider lighting a candle at 7pm tonight to remember all of those who have lost children. I'll be lighting candles for several people that I have met over the past few years during this infertility journey.

Seriously?!? Could time move any slower?

This is AWFUL. Every day drags, every hour drags, I can't focus, can't get any work done. Maybe I will feel better tomorrow after bloodwork and ultrasound? who am I kidding?!

First check of estrogen tomorrow and an ultrasound, please let these patches be working right!!

Hormone Headaches

I think these headaches are from the estrogen. The one I had on thursday was AWFUL. It did get better on Friday but when I switched patches on Saturday, it was back. Oh well, nothing I can do about it really. I'm taking tylenol.

Tomorrow, I switch the patches again and on Wednesday, I bump up to two patches. I also have my first set of bloodwork and ultrasound on Wednesday. I hope that goes well. I'm a bit nervous about the whole lining thickness thing after the first FET. I really think that first FEt was a disaster because my lining was way too thick!! I just hope that doesn't happen this time.

Woah! 3 weeks until my FET!!

When did that happen?!?! The last time I checked it was 4 weeks and 3 days until my FET. Where did the last week and 3 days go??? Holy Crap! In 3 weeks, hopefully assuming all goes well, I get my embabies back. I am so excited.

Estrogen Patches begin...

I put my first patch on this morning. I'm hoping that I do not get a reaction like last time. Believe it or not, I'd prefer a shot. It's over and done with while these patches stay on all day long. Fortunately, I got the vivelle dots this time while last time, my RE screwed up and I had the regular sized ones, they are MUCH bigger. I can't believe it's been a year since I used these patches for my last FET. I can't remember the side effects, anyone care to share?

Yikes, here goes nothing!

So, I spoke with my nurse and got my revised calendar. So, here it is:

10/9 to 10/25 - start estrogen patches and work up to 4 patches per day.
10/26 to 10/30 - start endometrin three times per day, start tetracycline and medrol, stop lupron (THANK GOD!!!)
10/31 - Embryo Transfer :)

I have to have bloodwork and ultrasounds three times, 10/15, 10/24 and 10/27.

We fly to Denver on 10/30 and return on 11/2. Here goes nothing. Now, I just want my embabies back in me, once they are, all is good with the world, for a little while anyways...

Also, my nurse just informed me that once I start estrogen patches, no more caffeine. :(

Uh Oh, she's a day early...

AF is making an appearance, I hope this doesn't screw things up too much.

Birth Control is DONE!

Af has been given complete basic instructions, arrive on 10/8 so we can get started timely and then DON'T COME BACK!!!

Lovely Lupron! and a Poll!

I hate it, I really do. I'm hoping my massage tonight with the best massage therapist EVER makes me feel better. I'm so sore. My ankles have been swelling from who knows what! I guess too much salt. Tomorrow is my LAST birth control pill!! Can you believe it? I am so excited. I hope AF arrives timely so I can begin the estrogen phase.

It's funny someone posted a reply to one of my posts that I should enjoy my last few weeks not being pregnant. Holy Crap?!? I might get pregnant? Seriously, it really NEVER dawned on me that this might work. Of course, I'm trying with the hope that it does but I just don't think like that anymore, my last period, my last few weeks not pregnant, no more tampons. Those thoughts were thoughts during IVF #1, maybe #2, thoughts of possible due dates but not anymore. Now, I never think more than a week out and take it one step at a time. Could this really work???

Ok, I'm also going to add a poll regarding finding out the sexes. Being we did the CGH testing, we are able to find out after the transfer takes place. We are leaning one way but I'm curious what others would do. OK, post what YOU would do, find out the sexes or not. Don't post what you want me to do, I realize everyone is going to want to know!! I do have the option of finding out what they are if this works but I want to know what I should do at the transfer. Thanks!

Lupron is underway....

Yesterday was horrible. Around 4pm, I started getting a headache which turned into a migraine. I took some tylenol and it barely helped. I went home, took a shower, got into bed on some moist heat since my neck strain was causing it. I did finally start to feel better so I got up and ate some dinner. It got worse again so I tried some ice which only temporarily helped. On top of it all, I had to start lupron yesterday which causes hot flashes and migraines! So, I wasn't thrilled, of course. My first one and I already have quite the bruise. I was surprised to see it bleed so much. Anyways, 4 more bcp and hopefully, AF will arrive timely so I can become a sticker book. Honestly, I would rather a shot than those patches. They are a pain but whatever it takes....

I am going to visit the chiropractor to see if an adjustment helps with this pain. Luckily, I have a massage scheduled for Friday! :)

WOO HOO!

Ok, I warn you in advance, little things make me happy. I went onto SW Airlines to see what airfares were costing for the time we need to go. I had checked 2 weeks ago and it was $99 each way per person which is a great deal! We were hoping to hold off until we got closer just in case BUT the airfares tonight were down to $89 per person per way. I couldn't resist. I booked it!! $400 to Denver and back, NONSTOP! :)

Uh Oh! Why are my tickers cut off on the end?

Does anyone know how to fix this?

New Ticker

Does everyone see it? does it look right?? :)

Happy Anniversary!!

Well, today my husband and I are celebrating 2 anniversaries. First, the good one, our wedding anniversary. We've been married 4 years although we've been together since 1994, gosh, that makes me feel old. The other anniversary is our TTC one. If anyone who reads this hasn't started TTC, don't use your wedding anniversary to kick it off! We actually started a few months earlier but it was actually our anniversary weekend away 2 years ago where I brought out the OPK sticks. Kinda depressing to think we have now been trying to have a child more than half our married life. It's amazing to think how much has changed for the better and for the worse, good thing that was a vow we took!! No big plans. This is the first anniversary we haven't gone away. There's just no money to do it with the way the economy is and after spending so much at CCRM.

We'll have a nice dinner out somewhere and hopefully have an evening that focuses just on us and not the rest of this crap.

And, back down again...

The up moments don't usually last very long. I'm so completely OVER all of this. Everything gives me anxiety, I'm just sick of it.

Great Day!

Today was a great day, the first one in a VERY long time. We went out on my BIL/FIL's boat, left around 830am and headed out. We got into the ocean and it was incredibly rough so we went back into the inlet. It was really hot but nice and sunny. The tide hadn't come in yet so the water was gross but we got to see lots of jellyfish or as my sister in law likes to call them, jellies! But, I didn't once think of this nightmare that's been going on. On our way home, of course, I realized it. But, atleast I had 5 hours where I didn't think about it. When we got home, I crashed. I was exhausted. We were suppose to have lobster dinner with my ILs but it was cancelled, major bummer! I hope everyone had an awesome weekend!

And, we're off!

It's official, first birth control pill down the hatch! I have to say for the first time in a VERY long time, I've got hope. It's actually kind of scaring me because with hope, there can be a very big disappointment at the end of this if it doesn't work. I know, be positive, but please don't say that, it's just the reality of this whole thing, some people don't get pregnant and in the end, that could be me. Back to my point, hope. Tonight, my husband and I were doing our stocking up at Bj's, we usually avoid the baby clothes but for once, I let my guard was down. The shoes are right next to the baby clothes and my husband was looking at the sneakers. So, I temporarily allowed myself to look at them, to forget this nightmare and just pretend for a moment. My husband even looked at them as well...

I had hoped to do alot of blogging this weekend about everything that has been going on but I was so busy today. I cleaned all morning and after took a nap as I was exhausted and up early. After that, we headed to the mall as I needed to get something and off to BJ's and petsmart. Tomorrow, we are heading out on my BIL/FIL's boat and to the IL's for dinner. My BIL caught a ton of lobster so he's cooking up a meal for everyone There are some things that I did want to blog about so I will get to them over the next few days hopefully. Hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend!!

Happy Halloween!

I know today isn't Halloween but Halloween is the day of my transfer! :) Well, atleast tentatively, it will depend on when my next period arrives after the bcp. I'll update more info on my calendar tomorrow.

I did get my embryos results. I don't know what quality they are but I do know that of the 3 bad, they were embryos 13, 14 and 17. Embryo 13 had an extra chromosome 4 and was a girl. Embryo 14 had an extra chromosome 2 and 15. It was also a girl. Embryo 17 was missing chromosome 16 and was a boy. Embryo 8 was the no result. So, we're left with embryos 1, 4, 5, 16 and 20. I don't know the sexes of those embryos.

This is like my zillionth post today!

Ok, the nurse called. She said a few questions, first off, PIO or suppositories? I know, everyone jumps for the supps. NOT ME! PIO and you are done! So, she's like, they do hurt, blah blah blah blah. I told her, yeah, been there, not too bad, more of a pain in the ass, ok, not literally, to do the suppositories. She said they didn't have to be done 3x a day every 8 hours exactly and it provides better progesterone being it's going right there! They've seen higher levels. So, suppositories it is. Then, she says, here's the funny part, has Schoolcraft called you yet? I said, yeah, just a few hours ago. She said, good! He was out and I did a little rearranging so you were up top. :) nice, right? Then, she says, well, you were good news so not as hard to call you. I was like, really? was I good news? because Dr. S didn't seem too enthusiastic. She said, well, yeah, that's just how he is. I said, Yeah, I know. She says, he is brillant though. I told her, don't get me wrong, I really love him! I'm way better off than I was a year ago but he gives me anxiety with his calls. He is NEVER excited. She says, yeah, I know, how do you think we feel?? Ha, I thought that was funny... If you've ever spoken to Schoolcraft, you know what I mean. Don't get me wrong, he's great, answers questions, fills you in, but he's just not excited!

Ok, calendar to come...

Follow up with Schoolcraft...

Today is all about CCRM day, geesh! Schoolcraft called to follow up, see if I had any questions. Of course, I was expecting the nurse so I didn't grab my questions. I had to ask him to hang on for a minute so I could go somewhere private. THAT WAS AWKWARD! So, I basically asked what he thought of the embryos, he said he was glad to see there were normals, pretty average results, not great, not bad. He said, it's pretty tragic to see all abnormals so this was good. I asked if the results showed a greater issue and he said no, they all had different things wrong with them. I asked how my endo played into it and he said the only issue that really is involved is with the beta 3 integrin receptors which I tested positive for. So, it's really not an issue. I asked him for a number, if he had to give me some sorte of success rate, what he thought it'd be. He asked me about the prior failures and he said about 60% which he thought is still pretty good. It definitely is but just curious to know. I reminded him how my lining got thick at home on my FET and he said that we could do some more ultrasounds after 7-10 days to check and make sure it's not getting crazy thick. He said my lining on the fresh was 14 which isn't bad so he wasn't worried. AND, I know, the question everyone wants to know the answer to, HOW MANY??? He said 2. If they don't survive, he'd thaw a 3rd.

The one thing I forgot to ask was if this doesn't work, then what? It's probably better that I don't know the answer to that question. So, now we wait for the nurse to call me back. I called her around noon my time. He ended with Good Luck and said to get with the nurse when my period shows and I told him I had called today actually. So, he said, great, let's get everything started! I thanked him, told him this was much farther than I expected to make it and that my experience had been way better than at my clinic at home. He was glad and that was that!

Where's the nurse? now I am really dying to move forward!

That was easy! Ask and you shall receive...

AF is here! :) If I had known all I had to do was ask, I would have days ago! I'll put a call into the nurse later today and get this rolling. When I have more information, I'll post. I am so excited yet scared to death....

HELLO? AF??? are you out there???

Ok, seriously, my AF has gone missing. No, folks, not pregnant. I am now on cd34 and while I may have a few signs that she's coming, I'm not sure. She really needs to get here. I can't get started on this FET until she gets here. So, GET HERE ALREADY?!?! I was pretty sick during ovulation time so that may have delayed it but this is getting ridiculous! I would like to start my birth control pill and make my arrangements. I have flights to book, hotel and car reservations to make, let's get this show on the road! I'm ready to get moving!

Results are IN!! I got my call!!

As I was leaving work yesterday, as always, I made sure my phone was within my reach while driving. I usually put my handsfree in and be prepared but I didn't. I'm not sure but I must have had a feeling the results were coming because a few minutes before I was thinking I should stay to the side just in case they call so I can pull into a parking lot or something. The phone rang and low and behold, CCRM! I thought to myself, ok, here it is. I took a deep breathe and answered. Of course, nowhere to pull over to. It was a nurse so I'm thinking that's a good sign. I think Dr. Schoolcraft would call with bad news. He's very good like that. She says, how are you? I didn't even catch her name I was so nervous. I said I'm good but I'm not so sure how I'll be in the next 5 minutes. She said no, no, you're fine. I have good news. Of the 9 embryos, 5 of them were normal, 1 came back no result and 3 were abnormal. So, there you have it! I have FIVE embryos waiting to be transferred. Of course, the best 2 will be transferred and the rest will be left on ice in case this doesn't work or for future children.

She went on to ask when I expected my period. I told her for once, I don't know. I didn't chart, temp, NOTHING! She laughed. She said well when do you estimate it so I can put you on the calendar. I told her 10-12 days which I'm not even really sure of. I think my cycle is really screwed up still. Then, I thanked her and she told me Schoolcraft would call within the next week, her hope was today. She told me that she was my new assigned nurse too. My old one left which I knew but I wasn't sure who had been reassigned to me.

After the call, I didn't know whether to cry, scream or what. I was really overwhelmed with emotion. I was headed to my parent's house after which wasn't very good timing. While they know, my dad is a dad, this stuff is too much information for him. But, I really didn't give a crap and told my mother infront of him anyways. He needs to get over it and deal. I'm not embarrassed or ashamed of what I'm doing.

So, I don't have any dates, I know that everyone will be asking but I really won't know until I get my period. I will have to start the pill and do lupron for one cycle just like I did with the fresh cycle. Then, once my period arrives after the bcp/lupron, I will start. When I have that information, I will be sure to share. Dr. Schoolcraft will call me in the next week or so to answer any questions I have.

This is where I need help. I have started my list of questions but I'm hoping everyone can give me their input. Here's what I have-

1- of the embryos that were abnormal, what was wrong with them? Does this show an indicator of another issue of why it may not have worked in the past?
2- What can I do before the transfer to help? acupuncture? anything at all?
3- Since I have Endo, how much does this play into my success? what do you think my chances of success are?
4- When I did my last FET, my lining got to be over 17 4 days before the transfer, what can we do to keep an eye on this and prevent it from happening? more ultrasounds sooner?

So, that's what I have. If anyone can think of anything else, I would appreciate it. Finally, because this is probably the longest blog entry ever!, I want to thank everyone for all their thoughts, care, interest and support. I have met some really amazing people along this journey and there are some who have now become friends I've never met, although, we will one day!

Funny Story... kinda...

Yesterday, I went to get my prenatal vitamins refilled for the 25th month. Being my husband works for Walgreens, our prescription coverage is only good at Walgreens. We never get these kinds of things filled at his store as I'm sure people would fill them and start to talk. Well, yesterday, I went to the one across the street from my work. I went up to the counter and said my name but they weren't filled. I told her that I had done it online and I didn't think it worked. I noticed she seemed soo young and she filled it. I couldn't believe she was the pharmacist, I thought she was a tech. So, I noticed her name tag said pharmd. Sure enough, she was the pharmacist! She asked if I wanted a bag, I was like yeah, I have to go back to work, don't want to announce to the world what I got. She giggled and laughed. I thought to myself, HAHA, she thought I was newly pregnant, I bet. She should check my refill history. Of course, on the way out, I grab candy corn pumpkins and the cashier is pregnant. Yeah, I get it, my punishment for getting the candy corn.

So, here's the funny part, I know everyone is wondering what's so funny? I started thinking about it and just got this odd feeling about why the pharmacist seemed weird. DUH! Here's where I'm a COMPLETE MORON! I know her!!!! I tell my husband and he's like yeah, that's her. My husband's coworker, another store manager, had us over for dinner AGES ago. There was another store manager and his girlfriend there. See where I'm going with this... It was the other store manager's girlfriend. Fortunately for me, they are no longer together and hopefully she just won't say a word. But, it got me thinking. This world is VERY small. Your "lies" catch up with you eventually. I've been hiding this for almost 2 years now. How much longer can I hide it?

So, I guess what I'm saying is, I'd like to keep this a secret. I do still want to surprise someone when the day comes that I'll become a parent however that may be. So, please be sure to keep it between me and you! and the other people reading my blog, :)

One Year Ago...

Please tell me that one of these days, I am going to have a post titled One Year Ago that tells a HAPPY Story.

A year ago today, I found out that I had ovarian hyperstim syndrome during IVF #1. Yeah, it's common, people get it. So, after seeing him earlier that morning concerned as I was not feeling well and bloated, he had told me, yeah, you have it. He wanted to see what the bloodwork said and go from there. So, I headed to Quest for bloodwork. At this point, I was told, my transfer might be cancelled but the issue seemed minor.

But, lucky me got it bad enough that not only did he cancel my transfer but my doctor decided a nice stay at NW Medical Center was in order. The bloodwork revealed that my kidneys were not working properly. At this point, I was scared, I'd NEVER been in the hospital as a patient. I spent the next 3 days in the hospital on the maternity ward. Isn't that lovely??? Not only do I have to go to the hospital, but you are sending me to the maternity ward?!? It's really not fun being in the hospital nevermind being infertile on the maternity ward after your best chance of getting pregnant is cancelled. Thank God that I did not have a roommate. If I had to share a room with someone who just had a baby, I may have lost it.

My husband spent everyday with me. He would arrive at 9am as early as they would let him and stay til 8pm. I remember spending one night in the bathroom sobbing after he left. I went in there so as to avoid the nurse in case she came in. They would come in every 3-4 hours to weigh me and measure my stomach to make sure I wasn't retaining more fluids. The worst part was no one knew we were doing IVF except my mother and father. So, I had no visitors except my husband and mother.

I really hope a year from now is better than the past year.

No Call...

Boo Hoo. I was hoping I'd get one tonight being that I was only a week off from the other girl. But, CGH is becoming so popular that who knows how many were sent in over that 1 week. I think I would have rather not known the other girl got her results. Then, I wouldn't be so anxious everyday waiting for that call. I would have been fine up until 6 weeks. oh well, what's done is done.

Did anyone think I forgot?

No worries, I did NOT forget, I know, 4 weeks. I really can't believe it. The first week was difficult and then, it was frustrating and exhausting. But, the last week did fly by by my standards anyways. There were some days of anxiety and frustrationg. Now, I'm terrified and anxious. I know that tomorrow is 4 weeks and 1 day which is the time that someone who was 1 week ahead of me got their results. Needless to say, my phone is always very close. I do not want to miss the call and have to wait over night to call back. Since they are 2 hours behind and typically call at 5:30 their time, you can never get anyone back that same night! I've had enough sleepless nights worrying over all of this.

I am praying for, of course, atleast 2 normals! But, I am really hoping for 4. This way, I have a backup plan in case the first 2 don't take. All I want out of this is a child, it's all I really ask for. I try to think about seeing 2 pink lines or the word pregnant on a test. I can't picture it. It's just beyond my wildest dreams that I will ever be pregnant and have a child.

OK, I am freaking out now!

Another one of my support message boards has threads by state. So, I am constantly checking Colorado's threads. It's very helpful with information. Well, there's a girl on there who was 1 week exactly ahead of me. AND, she got her CGH results today!! HOLY MOLY! 4 weeks! So, I'm guessing there's a possibilty I could get my results on Monday or Tuesday of next week. I can't believe it.... there goes oblivion, just when I was starting to enjoy it. Welcome Back Anxiety!!

Yipee!! 3 weeks!

21 days, I can't believe it. I'm atleast half way there if the 6 weeks is accurate, more than half way if the 5 weeks that I'm hearing is actually going to happen! I like living life like this. For the first time, I have good news from an IVF cycle and I get to enjoy it for more than a day. While this part is hard, it's got it's highlights.

still sick, feeling better but I've got a cough that is still pretty tight and making it hard to breathe. I'm not sure why mucinex isn't loosening it up.

hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend. I've pretty much spent it on my couch resting watching all these hurricanes, praying for those in it's path. AND, praying TS Hanna or anything else doesn't come my way, as well!

Ok, this is NOT fun!!

I am really sick. I thought I had a head cold and would be better in a few days. I was completely wrong. I left work today at 2pm at the urging of my coworker. She was like take a nap and get some rest. So, that is exactly what I did. My coworker is very wise and whenever I don't listen to her, I kick myself. I've learned my lesson. Well, I should have listened yesterday. I got home and took a few benadryl to help me sleep. I napped for about 3 hours and woke up feeling much worse. Now, my entire body aches from head to toe and I feel this creeping into my chest. That's not good. I have a very bad history of asthma and bronchitis. I can barely get out of bed. I don't know how I'm making into work tomorrow, looks like a 4 day weekend for me in bed...

I'm sick and sad.....

Still waiting on results, of course. I bet everyone thought I wasn't keeping track since I didn't post on Monday that it'd been 2 weeks. Trust me, I can tell you at any point in any day how many days it's been in a shot. It is always on my mind.

I have an awful head cold, sore throat, sneezy and dayquil just isn't cutting it. I took nyquil at 930 last night and was up at 5am. It felt like there were razors in my throat.

And, I am sad, very sad. Today, someone from one of my support groups whose become a very good friend received news that her 2nd fresh cycle failed. She's been beyond an amazing support & strength for me. I know that there are just no reasons, no way to justify it and it just happens but it makes me so sad that these things happen. It's something I'll never understand, accept or get.

Phone Calls from CCRM scare the crap out of me!

I was at my desk and heard my phone vibrate. I pick it up, missed call from CCRM. OMG, my heart races and thoughts go crazy. The plane carrying the cells crashed! The results are back and none are normal! I race to listen to the message, karotype results for me are normal, 46 chromosomes, normal female. PHEW! That's a relief.

Dr. Schoolcraft had said, wouldn't that be ironic if all this time your local doctor thought it was your husband and it was you? NO, that would not be ironic. He obviously doesn't know me and my husband very well. But, it's normal and all is good in the world for now.

These 6 weeks are not going as I had planned. I had thought it'd be life as usual. I could have a "normal" life. But, all that I'm finding is since I'm not cycling, not prepping, not doing testing, I find myself physically and emotionally drained. When you are so busy doing all that stuff, you don't have time to be tired, now, I do. And, I'm pooped from the last 2 years of TTTC. So, if anyone feels that I've been absent or anything, I'm really sorry. I'm just struggling with it all right now.

1 Week Down, 5 to go!

Well, it's been a week since the embies were vitrified. I wish I could say the week flew by but it really didn't. Hopefully, it won't take the full 6 weeks to get results back. Someone from one of my chat boards just got their results and it was 5 weeks. I'm hoping for that but just assuming the 6 weeks.

I hope that everyone had a nice weekend. My husband's family was over on Saturday for dinner. I made lasagna and a cake. Yesterday, I went to see Wall E with my mom and my niece. It was a cute movie.

Well, that's about as exciting as it gets. I'm back to work today and it's pouring out. TS Fay is heading in our direction. We shouldn't be getting a direct hit but we are definitely getting some of the bands of rain. We're under a tropical storm warning so that means we should be seeing tropical storm winds in the next 24-36 hours. Of course, I have the MOST understanding employer and they always let us go home when we have dangerous weather. INSERT SARCASM HERE!

She's here.

That'd be my lovely period. I was told a week to 2 weeks. Hey, atleast it's no surprise! This may be the first period in 2 years that I'm not bummed to see as she was obviously coming.

I spoke to the nurse this morning. They said when my next period arrives to give them a call and they would see where things were at with my CGH results. If it's close enough, they'll get me started on the FET protocol. If not, I'll be delayed another month. So, I know everyone keeps asking when I'll do a transfer but I don't know. TRUST ME, I'm asking too! :)

I also asked her to speak to Dr. Schoolcraft about putting me on depot lupron. I was hoping that going on it while we wait would help the endometriosis. He told her if I'm not in pain, there's no need. I'm glad I don't have to go on it but I was hoping it'd reduce the amount. I was grasping at straws. I'm just afraid the endo is why I'm having implantation failure.

I feel like my blog is about to get really really boring again. There's no IVF updates, no exciting developments for atleast a month. But, I'll try to post updates about what's going on. I'm hoping to keep busy over the next 6 weeks in hopes that time will fly by quicker.

This weekend, my IL's are coming over on Saturday for dinner to celebrate hubby's b-day. On Sunday, I may go to a movie with my mom and niece. We'll see.

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!! I still need to post my Denver pictures as well so look for that...

Can someone help me with a ticker?

I want to add a ticker on my page. I have no clue but I want one that doesn't necessary countdown to a date but says I've been waiting this long for results. I'm clueless. Anyone able to help?

HOLY CRAP! Day 6 Report

I just received confirmation from the lab at CCRM that an additional 3 embryos were vitrified and biopsied!!! 3 more! I have a total of 9. That's more than I could have ever dreamed or imagined. Here is a list of the grades-

5BB - 1
4AA - 2
4AB - 2
4BB - 1
4BC - 1
3BB - 1
2/3 - 1

The first number is an indication of expansion, 5 being the best. They do not keep ones 2 or less. One of mine was 2/3 so they kept it. The next letter is a grade on the cell mass, that's the baby! The next letter is a grade on the future placenta. Of course, A is the best grading. I am BEYOND thrilled. Now, we wait and pray ALOT!

Day 5 Report

I am soooo glad that these other day reports are over. It gets old really quick waiting to get a call from an embryologist on the status of your future ability to have a child.

So, let's get to it. Today, CCRM vitrified and biopsied SIX, yes, that'd be 6 embryos. She said that they are watching all the others as well and she was really hopeful for atleast two of them. Honestly, two more would be great but SIX!!! I'm thrilled with that. It's 50% of the initial 12 fertilized. I was told to only expect 30-40%!

Now, I'm really not sure what all this has to say about anything, I would like to think that meant the lab at home was bad. My first cycle with more mature eggs resulted in worse results. Regardless, moving forward! Now, the dreaded 6 week wait. I may puke the next time I hear someone complain about the two week wait! :P

PLEASE keep those positive thoughts and good vibes coming! You can send them to Denver and New Jersey now! Their cells will be headed to lab in New Jersey here shortly to see if these embryos are genetically normal. Something has to be normal, right?

Bye Bye Denver....

We are home in Florida now. We just got in 5 minutes ago. I really miss DENVER but not the hotel. It's good to be in my home, my bed, my couch, I missed it so much. AND, tomorrow, I will get my kitties who I missed desperately as well.

Tomorrow is my dh's birthday and I really hope that CCRM has a good birthday present to give him. At this point, I'm just praying that something made it to blast, something.

Day 3 Update

I know everyone has been waiting. You have no idea the torture and anxiety going on over here. I was told calls were made at 10am. We didn't get the first day call until 11am so I gave it sometime. Finally, at 1:30pm, I broke down. I called in and they apologized for not calling. HOLY CRAP! I should have called sooner, would have saved me so much anxiety. Ok, ok, ok, enough babble, here's the report...

9 of the 12 embryos are at 8 cells w less than 10% fragmentation
2 are at 7 cells
1 at 5 cells

She said it was very good. It's better than what I've had locally. My first cycle, I had 6 embryos at day 3 so they held me off to day 5. Of course, that was the cycle with 22 mature eggs, 14 fertilized. So, with 2 less fertilized, I have 3 more at 8 cells. I'd say that is an improvement. I'm happy with the report but I will be much more relieved when I hear that I have X number of embryos frozen for testing. So, for today, I am happy that I have 11 embryos in normal range (6-10 cells).

Please send my embabies prayers and good thoughts! direct those thoughts to Denver! :)

Fertilization Report

of the 20 eggs, 16 were mature and 12 fertilized with ICSI. The embryologist was happy and said it was good. Next report will be on Friday.

ER Recap

I thought I'd go ahead and document today for others going to CCRM and just for myself! :) My hubby and I arrived at 8am and went up to the 2nd floor. We waited for someone to come out of the surgery center. A nurse came out and took me back. My hubby waited outside. Her name was Liz and Dana was shadowing her. It was her 2nd day. They have me my gear to change into. I headed to my preop room. It was actually a room and not an area with a curtain like my old clinic. It was nice for the privacy.

Liz and Dana went over a few things, history, basic information, stuff like that. They wrapped my hand in a warm towel to help with the IV. I've NEVER had anyone do that before! She also put some lidocaine on before. It didn't really hurt much at all. Once that was done, they had my hubby come back. The OR nurse, Lynn, came in to introduce herself. The gentleman doing my anethesia came in, wanted to check my history, nice guy! Then, Dr. Gustafson came in. He went over the risks, stuff like that and of course, reminded me I could still back out. I was like really?? how does that work? 20 eggs are going to drop ?? He said, basically, and I promise that it won't be a fun experience. Um, yeah, not backing out, thanks! :) I was excited to hear Dr. G would be doing the ER. I was hoping to meet another one of the doctors and well, he's a UF Grad!

They were ready to take me back, my hubby gave me a kiss and off we went. They gave me some meds to relax me on my way down the hall. I felt it right away. Once I got into the OR, they added the stirups. It was nice not having to change beds, you just scoot down. As soon as I put my legs in, boom, I was out. At my old clinic, they'd prep you and you'd be awake, didn't like that much.

I woke up in recovery to Dana and Liz, very attentive! I had a nice comfy blanket on. They asked how the pain was and gave me some pain meds being it wasn't pretty. The cramping was pretty bad. I continued to wake up and they gave me even more meds for pain. Finally, my hubby came back. I was dying to hear how many but you have to wait on the embryologist. I got into the chair, nice recliner! I got some ginger ale and crackers. While we waited on the embryologist, they removed the IV. finally, the embryologist arrived and said they retrieved 20 eggs, they were expecting 18-22 so 20 was right on target. she also said tom's sperm was fine to do ICSI! We'll get updates on day 1 (tomorrow) to find out how many mature and how many fertilize. Then, on day 3 and 5, we'll get progress updates. On day 6, we'll get an update on how many were vitrified (frozen) and biopsied for testing. It'll take 6 weeks for results. Once that was done, I got changed and wheeled out.

The cramping has been a bit more than I remember so I've been taking it easy all day and drinking a ton. I've had about 60 ounces of gatorade, 24 ounces of water, 16 ounces of boost. That's crazy! I took a nap for a few hours and have been holding onto my heating pad for dear life!

Thank you!!

When I first started this blog, it was really just for me to keep a diary of events. My intention was never for anyone to read it but it's so nice that people care.

I wanted to thank everyone for their support, concern and interest. It is so incredibly nice to receive all the support, it absolutely makes my day, everyday.

Thank you so much!! off to rest some more as I have to be very careful with this OHSS stuff...

20 eggs

that's how many we're retrieved, I'm feeling quite crampy, going to lay down now but I wanted to update everyone...

ER Tomorrow - One More Needle - the IV!

Ok, two if you count the needle they use to aspirate the ovaries but I'm asleep so it doesn't count. While the needles aren't a big deal, I'm really NOT going to miss them.

Well, not really much to say, not feeling better today, feeling worse but I expected that after the HCG shot. I spent most of the day sleeping. I had an awesome dinner. We ordered food from Maggianos, a treat from a friend! I got chicken parm and hubby got ziti w sausage. The food was great. So, that's really all there is to it. I will admit, kinda scared about tomorrow, worried something will go wrong and how I'll feel after. But, it has to happen and hopefully, I will feel better in a few days! We fly home on Saturday and I anticipate it being a horrible flight, I'm not looking forward to leaving my embabies behind...

I really don't feel well...

could that be because my estrogen is over 4,000? yeah, that's right, it's over 4,000. I asked her what it was and she said, do you really want to know? um, maybe not, her response, over 4,000. wonderful. I told her, well, I've been here before. Yes, on IVF #1, it was 3,887 at this point. Um, yeah, that'd be when I was hospitalized for 3 days for OHHS. So, I think you've guessed where I'm leading with this, I'm triggering tonight at 10pm. I have to do labs tomorrow and be at the clinic on tuesday at 8am.

I see on my poll that most people think 15-20 eggs, others think 21-25 eggs. Care to place another vote? I retrieved 26 the first time with a lower estrogen.

Please pray I've got some normal embies in there and that I avoid a nice stay at the Skyridge medical center. It looks very nice and I'm sure the staff is nice but I much much prefer Staybride Suites! :)

Stim Check #3

Estrogen was at 2300ish, I was at the zoo and forgot what she said, oops. But, here's the drop! He's switching me to 75iu of gonal-f and keeping menopur the same. Tomorrow, we will go back again, I'm guessing trigger is tomorrow or Monday night!

And, the tummy issues are looking like they are working out. I am feeling a bit better. I tried eating some cereal and it went over well. Today, I haven't needed a Tums. So, hopefully, it was just related to elevation! We're going to head out to dinner and try giving a real meal a shot! :)

I added a Poll!

Alright, so, I have to say, I'm dying to find out how many eggs CCRM gets out of me. I added a poll to see what everyone else guesses. I went in for US this morning, she said I'm not quite there yet, atleast one more day, maybe 2. I'll have estrogen numbers later today and I will post them.

To help in answering the poll, I'll give some back ground information.

IVF #1 resulted in 26 eggs, I started on 150 follistim, 150 menopur. On day 7, he cut back the meds. On day 4, my e2 was 251, day 7 it was 1548, day 8 was 3,887. I triggered on day 9.

IVF #2 resulted in 15 eggs, I started on 75 follistim, 150 menopur. On day 6, he cut back the meds. On day 4, my e2 was 187, day 6 it was 567, day 8 was 1,419. I triggered on day 9 again.

For this cycle, I have been told that I have 7-10 follies on each side. My estrogen on day 4 was 307 and it was 868 on day 6. Dr. Schoolcraft has NEVER cut back me meds. I started on 150 gonal and 75 menopur per day, it's never changed!

so, what's your guess? I'll have estrogen levels tonight for today...

Pre-op and Freeze, take 2

I had my physical this morning. Heart good, lungs good, bp 122/80, hemoglobin 13.2, I'm all set ! Well, my body is ready, not the eggies. I talked to the NP about my tummy issues. She said to take immodium and no more pepto since it has aspirin in it. I'm now taking Tums. I had some cheerios and so far so good.

At 10am, we headed back for hubby's second go at the freeze. He said it went better, definitely more volume in the cup. NOW, let's hope there's lots and lots of boys in there!

Alright, we're off to the mall. This evening, we're headed to Red Rocks Amphitheatre!

Stim Check #2

My estrogen is 868 and he's keeping me at 75iu menopur in the am, 150 gonal-f in the pm. At this point on IVF#2, my estrogen was 567. AND, my local doctor backed off my meds which were lower as well. For IVF#2, I was on 75 menopur in the am, 75 menopur and 75 follistim in the pm. My local RE took off the 75 follistim. When she first told me to continue, I thought I heard her wrong. In fact, I called her back to confirm. So, initially, I was very nervous for them not decreasing but I have to say, I'm here for something different, I want to see something different. Well, there you go! He's not backing off the meds. The nurse seemed happy and said I had a nice little recruitment going on. I didn't ask for measurements. I don't go back until Saturday so I must not be that close or he'd have me in tomorrow as well. So, I'm guessing and hoping that I'll stim Sunday as well. That would make 9 days of stims! I will be thrilled to stim 9 days. Each cycle before, I have stimmed 8 days and that hasn't worked for me. Yes, I know that 8 days is fine but I want changes!

Tomorrow, I have my IVF physical and my hubby has to try his freeze again. He tried doing it today and lost some of it. The nurse said there was only 200,000, not worth freezing so he has to try again. That's kinda stressful, hope it goes better for him tomorrow.

I'm feeling absolutely crappy, stomach is bugging me badly and having some issues that I'll spare everyone w details. I thought I ate somethin bad but it continued yesterday. The nurse thinks it could be the increase in estrogen. She put me on pepto and a bland diet. YUM.

that's my IVF update... We have been doing some fun things so I will update on that another time.

Stim Check #1 - Estrogen

It's 307. Woah. That's higher than IVF #1 and #2. I expected higher than IVF #2 since I am on more meds but I was on even more meds for #1! He's keeping my meds the same until I go back in on Thursday. I have to remind myself, he is the best, he knows what he's doing.... right?!? eek.

Stim Check #1

Yikes. I don't know why I was worried nothing was cooking in there. I have 7-10 follies on each side, of course, it's completely an estimate this early on. My left ovary had one at 12 and another at 11. That makes me nervous! She said they might decrease meds depending on my estrogen levels. I might also be back in there tomorrow! Good thing we flew up early. I wll post later when we get information on the estrogen from the nurse.

I am in DENVER!

We arrived in Denver this morning around 10:30am Denver Time. The flight was on time and smooth. Our flight left West Palm Beach at 6am. Can you say OUCH? We were up at 330am. We got to the airport only to find out security wasn't open for another 30 minutes!! So, we waited and a line formed which we didn't get into. Of course, they only open one belt and things get backed up. Of course, my bag got pulled, understandably considering I have ove 50 syringes in there! They claimed it was pulled bc I had a heating pad in there. SURE....

Our flight to Atlanta took off on time, no problem. It was short, about an hour and a half, I couldn't sleep. Our flight from Atl to Denver also took off on time! Big plane too, 220 people, 3 aisles. I was in and out on this flight, I couldn't stay awake. But, everything time that I'd fall asleep, something would wake me up. The flight was nice though, being it was longer, there were snacks and you could buy a meal. But, Tom and I shared a bagel from Starbucks.

After we got in, of course, I handy Tom Tom was down, fortunately, we had printed instructions out from google. We checked into the hotel and not within 5 minutes, a big dog was barking across the hotel. We opted to change rooms before getting settled. We headed to Panera for lunch, got some groceries at Target. At Target, it hit me, I could barely stay up. I hit the bed as soon as we got back. I was asleep for 4 hours. We're going to get some dinner now. Tomorrow is a free day. We have our first stim check on Tuesday!

Everything is fine now...

I am able to start stims tomorrow. Thank God! It's the same cyst that's always been there but they have to be extra cautious because they are relying on someone else to provide them with information. It's quite borderline in size but she said it isn't producing hormones and shouldn't respond to the stims. So, that equals a heart attack for me.

This isn't going to get easier...

Can I get a BREAK??

I spoke to the local RE this morning. The cyst measured 1.5cm by 1.3cm. CCRM told me last night that it can't be bigger than 1.5cm. That's really close. Now, I have to wait until my nurse gets in and I get a call. I hope she calls right away, I need to know...

Wonderful

I have a cyst on my left ovary BUT the local RE didn't send the measurements over. I have to wait until tomorrow to find out if I'm cancelled or not.

Tick Tock Tick Tock

that's all I'm going to hear all day until I hear about my baseline!! The place that I went for local monitoring was very nice, nice people, much different than my local RE that I used for the first 2 cycles. She saw fluid in the uterus but checked with another girl in the office, they said it was just blood since I'm still cd4. They also noticed a chocolate cyst on the left ovary but that was there in June, it's "normal." I PRAY that I'm not cancelled!!

just another day...

Ok, so, work has just been another day. I guess they are too busy worrying about the horrible real estate market and the layoffs to be concerned with my two weeks out. No one has said anything to me about it today. That's a relief. I just need to get out of here! There is so much tension and stress in here. Two people who were let go have stayed around to help transition their jobs. It's just a horrible situation and it's making me sick. 3 more days of work, 5 more days til we depart! of course, I still have that baseline looming, praying for a good check!!

I'm kinda freaking out...

I told my boss that I needed off for 2 weeks for surgery. I had told him about 3 weeks ago that it was coming so it wasn't a total shock. He didn't seem bothered. I thought that I'd feel a sense of relief but I have MORE anxiety now than before. He is in with the owners, I feel like they are discussing it. I'm afraid that they aren't going to pay me although I have about 6 days so I would get some pay. I'm just plain concerned because I've seen how they've handled letting these people go over the past week. They aren't necessarily the most compassionate people in the world... Hopefully, it just won't be an issue!

I can't believe it!

My calendar from my RE for today and tomorrow says to expect period. It never happens that way though. Usually, I'm 4 days past bcp wondering where the heck my period is! would you believe I woke up and there it was? Now, please please please pray that my baseline check on Thursday goes well. I can't have any cysts or elevated estrogen. I have flights booked already for Sunday, this can't be delayed or cancelled!

On my to do list today is to tell my boss. I put it off considering they were letting people go. I did tell him on June 27th that I'd be needing surgery in a few weeks so it won't be a complete surprise. But, he might be shocked that I need two weeks and the timing isn't very good since the one guy I work with was let go but staying on for two more weeks full time, then part time to transition stuff.

Say some prayers today! I'm anxious about telling him...

Last BCP tonight!

holy smokes! where did the time go? It still hasn't hit me that we leave for Denver next Sunday nevermind that we're doing IVF AGAIN!!!

On another note, I don't think I've discussed this in my blog before but things at my work are bad. VERY BAD. I work for a homebuilder so I don't think I need to explain further. Last June, they let 5 people go, 5 more people were let go this past January. Today, they let another 4 go. So, things aren't looking good. I'm very concerned as to what is going to happen but I've tried to hold on as going to a new employer and asking for time off to do IVF won't go over very well. If I lose my job, we may be forced to put things off. This cycle MUST work! Once I am pregnant, then, I can move which makes no sense but when you need to take 2-3 weeks off at a time to cycle, it just doesn't go over well. So, I would greatly appreciate any job prayers nevermind the successful IVF prayers as well!!! Hope everyone has an awesome weekend!