my head is spinning...

My beta came back and it turns out I was pg but short lived.

I got to speak with my nurse further about the abnormal APA panel. It turns out I have a few issues a slightly abnormal cardiolipin, MTHFR and high glycoproteins.

What does all this mean?! It basically means I need to start lovenox next time two days prior to transfer and also start on something called Folgard. I think that's how you spell it. I've always had this and it's nothing new. It was likely the cause for my miscarriage in August. Of course, we'll never know for sure.

so, where do we go from here? I'm really not sure. We still need to speak with Dr. Schoolcraft and find out his suggestions to help with our decision. We basically need to decide between preparing for a FET in hopes our one last embryo thaws or do another fresh. I'm really not quite sure what to do and money is the main factor here.

But, it's time for me to take a break from all things IVF related until we can start again. It's time for me to focus on enjoying life, spending time with those that I love and just doing things I enjoy. The holidays are coming up and I am hoping for a few great weeks without being on meds, needing bloodwork or ultrasounds.

There is a lot to consider and decide but not continuing on is not an option at this point for us. I'm not sure that I'll come back to blogging or not. I'll have to see how I feel when things start back up again. I really appreciate all the comments and all the emails. It's helpful more than anyone will know.

BFN

one negative digital test
one negative first response test

please no comments of there's still hope or people get neg hpts and still positive betas and no questions on what next. it only stresses me out to think about doing this again, nevermind what is next.

I could feel it, I knew I wasn't.

Well, crap.

I can't remember how much I posted about the drama surrounding all the clotting bloodwork. It was a huge pain in the ass to get it done. In the end, most of it did not get processed through LabCorp so CCRM finished it last Friday. He wanted to rerun one thing anyways because it was in the low abnormal range.

Well, it came back today. It turns out that I do have some sort of issue. If I have a positive HCG, I have to start daily injections of lovenox. peachy.

So, I guess I have my answer as to why I miscarried.

Beta is Monday now. :(

ugh. I am so bummed. I called my old RE to schedule the appt. They are the ones that do weekend stat bloodwork for me. I use another RE closer to home during the week. Well, I called to make the appointment and they don't do it anymore. I am so bummed. I've tried walk in clinics, labs, and the hospital. My only choice is to go through the ER at a local hospital but being I'm a cash patient, I'm guessing that's going to cost me BUCKS!!

My friend works in the medical field and she looked at all the labs they use, they are all closed. So, her hubby works for a local hospital and he's going to check into it there!! It's my last option. I pay $95 at the RE on Monday so if it's a substantial amount more, I'm going to have to pass. I really can't afford it if I don't have to do it.

Progesterone Check

My progesterone levels came back low on the day of transfer. They were 4.1 and should be over 6. So, I had to increase the Endometrin to 4x a day. I had it rechecked on Monday and it was 8!! If I get pregnant, I'm switching to PIO. I want to hear progesterone levels over 20!!! I know it's normal to have lower levels with the suppositories but it makes me so nervous.

Who am I kidding?! I'm just nervous. The closer and closer we get to Sunday, the more scared and stressed I get. What if this did not work?! oh crap, what if it did?! ugh. I just want to be holding another baby.

Perfect and Amazing!!

I think those two words pretty much sum up yesterday!

We arrived at CCRM around 1030am. We got bloodwork done around 11am. They took NINE vials from me! insane! but, they were running extra bloodwork to check for clotting disorders along with the regular estrogen and progesterone. After that, I headed up to the second floor for my transfer/accupuncture. They came out shortly after we got up there and it was the same woman who had done my accupuncture in July. She even remembered me. I headed back and Tom took Caitlin back to the hotel to nap. The nurse came in and I got my instructions and got my valium!

I had my accupuncture and waited for everyone to come in and out with their instructions, etc. Finally, John, the embryologist came in!! This is the part that always stresses me out! He said the embryo thawed perfectly and it looked like a fresh embryo!!! that's what I LOVE LOVE to hear! Dr. Schoolcraft came in and said hello, went over the thawing and said, well, we thawed one and it's perfect, we have nothing to talk about!! The man of many words. LOL.

Dr. Schoolcraft started getting things ready and Nicole checked my bladder via ultrasound. It really felt too full but she said it was fine. I was hoping to be able to go a bit but no luck! John wheeled in the embryo and there it was on screen! looking AMAZING!! The nurse even commented to John, it's hatched already? He said, yup! absolutely! looking perfect!!

Dr. Schoolcraft had to change speculums for some reason which made for some more discomfort especially when you need to go!!! Nicole said, just hang in there with us for a few more minutes. I could hear her telling him he was near my c section scar. I told her I'm just trying not to pee and Dr. Schoolcraft chuckled and said, I really appreciate that!! haha.

So, the transfer was done, he was really happy. He asked if this time I was going to skip the two days of labor and just head to the c section and I said absolutely! So, John summarized the embryos in storage and Dr. Schoolcraft said, one left! He said, hopefully, you don't need it! I said, absolutely not, I'm done with two kids! :)

Here's where things got difficult. The one hour rest after! First, twenty minutes flat. I was ok but did have to pee. The nurse offered a bed pain but I just can't use those. So, the accupuncturist came in and did her thing then tilted me back. UM, yeah, now I need to go now!! It got really bad. I was almost in tears. Finally, they came in and I got to the bathroom ASAP. I didn't even get dressed, stayed in my gown. I've never had that issue before but it was awful this time.

So, now we wait! My beta is in nine days. I'll be on bedrest until tomorrow morning when we head home!

I really hope, obviously, that this is it for us!!!

What a day!

I started sneezing around 3am and my nose kept bothering me so I tossed and turned until 415am when I just decided to get up. We had to get up at 445am anyways. We hit the road on time and got to the airport! Fortunately, we had priority check-in so we got to skip the lines. Apparently, on Frontier, when you book less than 14 days out, the classic plus which is priority is the same price as economy so a few perks! We were in the front row which worked out well since we had extra space. We also got tv service which didn't really help with Caitlin too much. She wasn't too interested. Although, she did very well on the flight!!

We arrived on time, got our bags, got our car and headed to the hotel. When we got to the hotel, the room they gave us was by the elevator so I asked if there were any others just so Caitlin didn't hear everyone coming on and off while napping or whatever. He was like no, but I'll give you a two bedroom suite instead! It's much more comfortable and spacious. We have 2 separate rooms so Caitlin is able to nap in there. We usually have her nap in the living area and go to the bedroom once she goes to sleep.

After we checked in, we went over to Heidi's Deli which was suggested on prior trips but we never got around to going! It was really good. Afterwards, we headed to Target for some essentials and back to the hotel for naps.

After naps, we went over to the mall. First, we hit American Girl! I was able to get some things that were out of stock online. Then, we hit Hanna Andersen and I was able to purchase this sweater dress I've been eyeing online for months! We also went and met with Santa. Caitlin didn't like him one bit!! She got upset but not too hysterical. We were able to get a decent photo of her with Santa.

So, that sums up the day! Tomorrow, we are meeting up with friends and just relaxing. My transfer is at 12:45pm on Friday but I have to be there at 1045am to start with the bloodwork and accupuncture!!

P4 Results In!

I had my progesterone tested this morning and it was 10.9. They like to see it greater than 6 on the inserts so it looks good! We're done with everything until Friday!!!

I am finished with Lupron!!

hooray!!! now, onto Progesterone!!! we leave in 3 days!!!!!!!

One more lupron shot!!!

I had my last lining check this morning and it was 13.5!!! My estrogen was 244, a bit lower than they'd like. I think it's suppose to be over 300 so I need to start estrace pills on Sunday.

So, on Sunday, I will continue with my 2 estrogen patches, stop the lupron, (YAY!!!) and start my tetracycline pills, medrol pills and endometrin tablets 3x a day! We leave on Wednesday and I am so freaking excited!!!!!

I am Thankful for...

my amazing husband, my beautfiul daughter and for the ability to try to have another child. We are so fortunate and so blessed to have what we have and be able to go to CCRM.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

One more week until my next check!!

Next Friday, I have my next check on the lining and estrogen. If everything goes well, I will start progesterone that Sunday.

Time is dragging! While it is definitely a plus for a FET, there just isn't much to do. It only requires 3 visits to the RE for bloodwork and ultrasound! It's nice to not have to go to the RE every day or every other day but it makes time DRAG! Fortunately, I have quite a bit going on to help distract me.

I'm so excited to get back to Denver. We leave in 12 days!! We purchased our flights last night and my husband is looking into a hotel. We are trying to find a less expensive hotel and the car rental. We are going to wait a bit on the rental to see if snow is expected.

While I absolutely love Denver, I hope this is our LAST trip there for IVF!!

BW and US #1 Results

My lining was 10.2 and my estrogen was 80. They wanted to see my estrogen over 50 so that is good! Of course, my lining is thicker than they'd like at this point but they are going to do what they did last time and only increase me to two patches and never the 3 or 4 patches. So, my next check is November 26th!! I guess I'm booking some plane tickets tonight!!!

The fun has begun!

Today, I had my first check which include bloodwork and ultrasound. Most people only get bloodwork at this point. I had an ultrasound also because of my history of lining issues. I don't even know my estrogen levels at this point but my lining was already at 10mm. So, let the headaches begin! This is the same thing that happened last time and I had to get more bloodwork and ultrasounds to keep a closer eye on things. I wish they would just move the transfer up instead of risking cancellation or transferring embryos with a lining that is less than ideal.

I really don't mind the extra poking and prodding but it's the expense that I mind! Today cost me $350. fun stuff. Is this over yet?!

Here we go!

Today, I have started with my first patch! I'm suppose to work up to 4 but if history repeats itself, I'll only make it to two since my lining thickens so quickly.

The lupron side effects are in full force now. I had the worst headache last night along with a back and neck ache! I took some tylenol but really wish I could take percocet. I had a hot shower too which took off the edge. I'm really glad that I go down to 5 units of lupron tonight. It should help to lessen all of the crap. It has in the past anyways.

I'm really looking forward to my first check next week to see how things are going!!

2 Years Ago...

I just realized that 2 years ago, I found out I was pregnant with Caitlin! It's a weekend that I'll never forget. I tested on a hpt the day prior because I was having some symptoms and saw the second line. My husband and I were in hysterics. I remember telling him, are we sure this is a hpt and not a ovulation test?! I just couldn't believe it! But, 2 years ago today, I received that call from CCRM with my beta, over 100! I remember, she said, congrats, you are pregnant! And, I was like, yeah, well, what's the number??!! She laughed.

We were so relieved and happy.

It's kinda ironic to be starting a new cycle on the 2 year anniversary! I'm going to take it as a sign! :P

ON TIME!!

go figure! This morning, as scheduled, my period arrived! So, on Thursday, I'll start patches! I put my call into the nurse to let her know and I'm waiting to hear back from them with my final calendar.

here we go again! and hopefully, for the VERY LAST TIME!!!

Now, I wait.....

for AF to arrive! I took my last birth control pill last night and hopefully, AF will arrive as scheduled on Tuesday! I am so excited. I absolutely can't wait to get started on the patches and get this cycle moving!!!

26 days until the transfer! 24 days until we arrive in Denver! :)

Shot Time!

Things have certainly changed!! It's ironic because I think back to the first time we did this and the very first lupron shot. I was in hysterics! I was absolutely terrified of needles. I remember that my mom came over to help us get started with them. She is a RN so that helped to put me at ease. However, I was still quite terrified and I remember sitting on the couch trying to work up the courage and as I looked away without any warning my mother just jabbed it into my thigh. Lupron shots are the easiest too! They are subq and very small needles. They don't compare to the trigger shot needles nevermind the PIO needles!

So, tonight, I will start lupron shots! finally!! hooray! I am very excited after several months of waiting and letting my body recover to get started again. I take my last birth control pill on Saturday and my period should arrive about 3 days after. Then, I will be starting to prep my lining with the estrogen patches. We are about a month away from the transfer and as scared as I am, I am also very excited to be trying again!!!

This too shall pass....

I try really hard to not get ahead of myself in this whole IVF game. What if this cycle doesn't work? What if I have another miscarriage? What if I have to do another fresh cycle? so forth and so on.

But, I realized last night that I do need to get ahead of myself sometimes. I need to remember that it won't always be like this. At some point, I will move forward in some way. Of course, I hope that it will be soon and with another child. I won't always be doing IVF and stressing over all these IVF bills which seem to be hitting me left and right now. We will take family vacations again that won't be trips to Denver to do IVF!! Instead, they'll be to Vail to vacation. :) We won't be doing this forever.

This morning, I logged into facebook and saw a quote someone had posted on facebook. It hit home for me. Tomorrow is another day and I certainly believe in miracles!

"...I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles". - Audrey Hepburn

Lucky #7!!

I realized last night that I am starting IVF #7?! I've done 3 fresh cycles and this will be the 4th frozen cycle. Fortunately, frozen cycles are so much easier than fresh cycles! Plus, the first fresh cycle was canceled after retrieval because I hyperstimmed. Also, I didn't do the transfer on the 3rd fresh because everything was frozen for the CGH testing. This will be the 8th/9th embryo/s that we transfer. Our goal is to only transfer one but one step at a time.

It really shocked me to realize how many times I've done this. Honestly, I think I've lost my mind to continue doing this. I'm just hoping it all pays off in the end. I'm hoping that I get to deliver a baby before I grow tired physically and emotionally from doing this!!

I took my first birth control pill last night and ordered my other medications for delivery tomorrow! Here we go (again)!!

CALENDAR!!

Love my nurse!! She is so great and always responds so promptly!

So, here's what we tentatively have:
10/21 - start bcp
11/2 - start lupron (shots)
11/6 - take last bcp
11/9 - period should arrive
11/11 - start estrogen patches
11/17 - Ultrasound and bloodwork
11/26 - Ultrasound and bloodwork
11/28 - start progesterone
12/3 - embryo transfer
12/12 - beta

I'm glad to be getting started but I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm not extremely anxious about this. But, I will try my very best to take things one day at a time and not get ahead of myself.

Time to get started!!

My period arrived this morning and I put my call into the nurse to let her know. Hopefully, I will have my official calendar later today and should start birth control pills on Thursday!

I was sad this morning to see my period. I know it's not likely but I always hope that we can on conceive on our own!

December it is!

After much agonizing, we have decided to transfer in December. Initially, I wanted to go with November so that Tom would be with me. But, I didn't hear one person tell me that this was a good idea. Everyone felt that December was better even if I went alone. A good friend in Denver offered to help in so many ways! She helped to ease my fears about the things that I was worried about and I decided that was best.

As luck would have it, my husband is able to go! He spoke to his boss and I'm not sure what was said but my husband said his boss said he could have off. I am so thankful and so happy that he will be with me. So, CCRM has put me down for a December 3rd transfer!

So, now, we wait for my next period when I will start taking birth control pills and lupron to get started. I have been so stressed out the past few months. There has been too much going on between work, life, the miscarriage, and extended family issues. I am going to take this next month and focus on me! I need to get back to feeling better and being happier.

I'm about to give up.

My period finally arrived yesterday. I called CCRM and was told that I needed to sit this cycle out. So, I was given two options. I can start the regular protocol and transfer in the beginning of December or skip the month of birth control and lupron leaving me with an early November transfer.

My husband can't travel after November 19th through the remainder of the year due to work. So, if we did December, I would have to go alone which is easier said than done due to some restrictions. And, the issue with the November transfer is without birth control pills and lupron, I run the risk of ovulating on my own and having a very unpredictable cycle which is very tricky when traveling. So, I'm left to pick from two crappy situations.

This only leaves me to be extremely aggravated and frustrated. I try so hard to be accepting of the fact that in order to have a child, we have to do IVF. But, it's not only that we have to do IVF to have a child but we have to travel via plane for 4 hours. It's very difficult and aggravating to coordinate.

Of course, there is always the option of waiting. But, that presents some financial issues as well.

Amongst this, I have a bunch of other crap that I'm dealing with in regards to work and a family situation. I've just had it with all of it. I am just done with all of it. I'm emotionally and physically done.

Follow Up with my OB Gyn

I had my follow up appointment with my OB today. She is the BEST!! I've always loved her but everytime I see her, I just love her more and more! She is absolutely the nicest and most caring! She talked to me for quite awhile which I didn't expect.

We went over quite a few things, possibilities of what could have gone wrong. There was not enough tissue to test so we won't ever have answers to what happened. But, she did say that with another pregnancy, I should absolutely come in right away for my own peace of mind. She said if I have any problems ever just to tell the nurse I have a problem and want her to call me. She said that I am more than welcome to come in every week if it makes me feel better. Oh boy! I think she may be sorry!! She also said next time I will only see her at every visit if it makes me feel better which it does!!!!

We discusses my fibroid again and she did an ultrasound. She said it is so small definitely not an issue. CCRM did check and do a hysteroscopy but of course, I want another opinion. Reassurance! We did talk about the cause being a sub hematoma. She asked when the first US was done being I never made it to my first OB appt. She said next time to come see her right away so she can check it out. She put my mind at ease over progesterone issues. She also suggested that I don't try to wean until 10 weeks next time which I was already going to tell CCRM just for my own peace of mind. She just wanted to make me feel better and cover everything so I felt better for next time which I really appreciated! At the end, she gave me a hug which I thought was really nice.

They tested my urine and I am already testing negative. It's so weird to be happy about testing negative?! So, they didn't do bloodwork. She said it's likely close to zero and if it's not already below 5, it should be by my next period. So, hopefully, I can start birth control bills with my next cycle and start moving forward with that process. CCRM requires that it be below 5 in order to cycle again.

I have my follow up appointment with CCRM on September 13. It's with Dr. Schoolcraft. So, I feel like that will be the last step of the physical process.

It's just a matter of getting through the emotional process which I am working on with the therapist I saw while going through all the IVF stuff for years. I saw her today for the second time. I definitely feel better than last week but still just so tired. I'm looking forward to the weekend and spending time with my two favorite people (hubby and daughter!). They both know how to make me feel better!!

Tired.

so tired. that's how I feel. I have not slept well in a week. I'm exhausted. I started taking benadryl the night of the miscarriage to help me sleep. The first few nights after, I had horrible nightmares. Now, they aren't necessarily nightmares but very vivid dreams that have me wake up. I'm usually up around 4am everyday. I do go back to sleep but it's broken sleep and not the same. I drag myself out of bed everyday to get to work. I'm dragging my 11 or 12pm everyday. I wish caffeine would help wake me up but I just feel like I'm going to fall asleep at my desk!!

I'm hoping for some sleep this weekend. Luckily, my husband is off so I can sleep in and get in some naps. I wish it were the weekend already!!

D&C today.

I went into the doctor again this morning to follow up on what they saw yesterday on U/S. As I expected, there was still some tissue there. I didn't have much bleeding or clotting since 4am the day before so I figured it was still there. They offered me two options. I could take some medication, pills, to help the uterus contract and release what's left. I started to get upset and was like yeah, what's option two?!?! She said I could have a D&C and since I had nothing to eat or drink yet today, I could do it today!! I didn't eat or drink on purpose in hopes. She offered to do it at lunch time or the doctor who was already at the surgery center could do it. Fortunately, it was my primary ob-gyn!! She was who I really wanted to do it. She's so compassionate and I knew I'd be in good hands.

So, we rushed right over there and they got me back really quickly. It was quick and done with. She told my husband that it went well and there wasn't much left. They are going to send it off but it's likely that we won't get answers. In recovery, I felt like something huge had been lifted from my back. I was so anxious the prior day waiting for the bleeding to start again, for the clotting to start again.

It was absolutely one of the most horrible experiences. At 4am on Thursday, I knew I had miscarried. I felt empty. I knew it couldn't be ok anymore. There was too much blood and way too many clots that were too big.

It was scary and I wasn't worried anymore about whether I had miscarried. I knew I had but now I was worried for myself. I've never seen so much blood, so many clots. I felt so weak in bed. I considered going to the ER but I knew my doctor was opening in a few hours and the thought of waiting in an ER with the possibilty of more gushing and clotting was terrifying.

I miscarried.

This isn't good...

I'm bleeding very heavy now, soaking pads, etc. I'll spare details. I just want it to end.

Spotting

Well, I noticed some blood on my suppository stick last Wednesday. On Thursday, we had the Ultrasound and saw the hb so I was reassured. It continued into Sunday and I spent the entire day resting. By the end of the day, it was better. It started again on Monday. I spoke to my nurse and she said it was likely cervix irritation and that my bloodwork looked good and not to worry. Today, after lunch, I went to the bathroom and the spotting was noticeably on my pad and as I saw on the toilet, it dripped. That's never happened before. So, I talked to my nurse and she told me to go home and get off my feet. Since I've been off my feet, it seems to be a tad better. However, I made an appt with my obgyn tomorrow at 1145am to get some more information to find out what's going on. I'm absolutely terrified

ONE BEAUTIFUL HEARTBEAT

that's what we saw! the baby measured to the day, 6w4d! the doctor said everything looked great and we should be very optimistic !

yay!!!

Wow! TWO YEARS!

I just happened to notice my ticker at the bottom today. It's at the bottom because it's really no use for anyone but me. I like to know how long it's been since the embryos were frozen. And, today marks two years!!! I can't believe it!

So, two years ago, cells were taken from these embryos and sent to New Jersey for testing. Two of those were transferred back into me on October 31, 2008! And, look at that result! Caitlin is a thriving wonderful 13 month old! And, now, another one of those embryos were transferred back into me on July 16, 2010 and growing as well!!

It absolutely amazes me when I think about all of it!

My facebook status...

I've started to get questions as to what my facebook status is about. It's not related to the pregnancy at all. It's extended family drama. It's pretty complicated and been going on for awhile. to catch everyone up would take awhile so I just thought I'd let everyone know it was unrelated to the pregnancy.

two more days!!

My ultrasound is in two days! I can't wait. I'm having so much anxiety over it. I know this will be a big hurdle and I just want to get over it. I want to see that heartbeat and I want for this pregnancy to seem a little more real!

I had bloodwork yesterday, estrogen and progesterone. My estrogen was about 430 and they want 300 so it looks great! My progesterone was 18.5 and they want 6 so that looked great as well!

Bloodwork looks goods!

I got the results of my blood work this morning. My estrogen was at 496 and they want it over 300. My progesterone was 19 and they want that over 6. My progesterone was 7 at the last check so that was nice to hear it's so high! They will recheck it in another week to make sure the numbers are still looking good.

And, my ultrasound is scheduled for August 12th at 1pm!

Beta #3 is in!

and it tripled! It was 256! and I got an enthusiastic "congrats, you are pregnant!"

I think my nurse was a bit nervous too!

:)

ETA: Sorry, in all the excitement, I forgot. They won't do anymore betas but will start monitoring the estrogen and progesterone levels next week. I can have an ultrasound done on August 11th or 12th!

Beta #2 is in!

and it doubled to 85. Did you hear that big sigh of relief???

She called and said, how are you doing? and I said, I don't know, you tell me! She said, no, you are good. It doubled and is 85 but as always, still cautious. We went on and talked and she said that sometimes these frozen embryos can implant later. I said yeah, I know but with Caitlin it was 110ish at the same point and she was frozen. She said, they are all different! I tried to get the gender too but she said they no longer release that information. So, I have to wait like everyone else! LOL

So, they will recheck the beta again on Thursday. They like to see it over 100. After that, they will start checking my other levels as well. Then, an ultrasound will be at about 6.5 weeks!

Darker Line !

I took another HPT this morning. It's the last one I had and they've all been from the same box. It is definitely darker this morning. I feel better knowing the line is darker but I'm concerned that the number still might not double!! Bloodwork comes in around 1pm and she said she'd send it over to CCRM immediately. So, I'll be bugging CCRM around 1:30pm. :)

I'm going to lock the blog up around noon today. I appreciate everyone leaving comments and wanting to still read. I received some messages though with no emails so I can't give you access without one. Sorry.

Closing the blog up again.

yeah, I know, I keep going back and forth on this. But, I need to keep things private for a bit until things are more definite. So, if you want to keep reading, just leave me a comment with your email and I'll send an invite! Also, if you could tell me how you found my blog or how I know you! I won't publish the comments so your email won't be posted. no worries.

I am going to lock the blog tomorrow mid day before I get my beta back.

Thanks!

Beta is in!

38.

They want 50. So, this could go either way but I tested positive on Friday. If it had doubled, it would have been 19 on Friday and that would not have been detected on a hpt. I'm not very happy.

We brought something back from Denver!

My beta is tomorrow so hopefully we have a decent number! Of course, no mentioning of this on facebook or anything. We won't tell family until we see a heartbeat and certainly won't be going public for several weeks after that.

I feel so much better today

I took the day off yesterday and rested. I feel so much better today! Glad it passed quickly and I didn't get too horribly sick!!

I feel AWFUL!

This morning, I woke up feeling nauseous. sick to my stomach. It came in waves, getting very bad at times. Then, as the day progressed, it became a burning sensation like heartburn or reflux. AWFUL. I've been having all kinds of gas pressure and burning. I somehow managed to get through the day. I barely got much work done though. When I got home, I crashed in bed and started to get chills. So, I took my temp and 100.4?! I was like really? I had no idea. I took tylenol and fell asleep. Two hours later, I woke up and still feel awful but now I'm sweating. I take my temp, still 100.4 so more tyelnol and a cold shower. I retake it about 20 minutes later and we're back to normal. But, I still feel like crap!

Ok, so you are all thinking, um, morning sickkness?! no. my friend who we visited in Denver had the same thing and so did her kids. It looks like we all got something and shared it! awesome.

what a wreck of a cycle this has been!

Our trip to Denver!

what a trip to say the least. So, here's a recap.

We flew out Wednesday afternoon. On our way out, we realized we forgot something so had to head back but it only put us behind 15 minutes. We figured no big deal. But, of course, the lines were horrible! We made it with time to spare but cut it close. We sat in the plane for about 30 minutes before takeoff. not fun with a one year old! I figured no biggie. About 30 minutes in, Cate got sick and puked a tad. Fortunately, she had a bib on and I had something covering my lap. I gave her benadryl but it did not help one bit. The flight was quite bumpy and she did not do well. Fortunately, we had the nicest lady sitting next to us and she helped us out alot! As we were about to land, they closed the Denver Airport due to weather so we had to circle. awesome. It wasn't too long and we got to the hotel and settled in.

On Thursday, we met friends at the Children's Museum. Caitlin LOVED it and we had lots of fun. After the museum, we went to Cheesecake Factory for lunch. We had a nice lunch, head back to the hotel and napped. When we got up, we headed to PF Chang's for dinner. We usually have a great experience there but not this time. The service sucked and it was so hot. I got most of my food to go because I felt ill.

Friday was the big day! I got woken up by Caitlin puking. Tom gave her a bottle and she puked it all up. So, we put her on a bland diet, stayed at the hotel for breakfast and rested up. We headed over to CCRM around 10:30am. I went in while Tom got Caitlin. I had my bloodwork and went upstairs. Tom stayed downstairs with Caitlin which really sucked. People would come in and say are you alone?! Since I take valium, I can't drive myself home so that's probably why they asked but it made me bummed. I wish Tom had been in there with me. So, I got my acupuncture and got very relaxed. Nurses kept coming in and out, seemed like forever. Then, the embryologist came in! He said that the embryo thawed perfectly. What a relief! my biggest fear was that we'd have to make a decision to add another to the mix or not depending on how it looked. He said it was already expanding, everything they want to see! The nurse came in and asked how I was doing with the water. I was already uncomfortable so she let me go a bit.

Dr. Schoolcraft came in and prepped me for the transfer. He was all ready and just waiting on the embryo. They wheeled in and I really couldn't see it well. The nurse pulled down the blankets so I could see the embryo on screen. most amazing part ever! Schoolcraft did the transfer and said it went perfect! On the way out, he said hopefully one is enough! He wasn't rude about it, that's just his nature. I understand what he's saying but I have to do what I feel comfortable with. I'm not going to get into the details as to why we chose to transfer one. It's our decision and I'm leaving it at that. I'm not looking for a debate. We did what was best for me, for us, and our family. Everyone is different.

After the transfer, I got my acupuncture and headed home about an hour later. I got into bed and started bed rest! I was going crazy pretty quickly. The bed wasn't the greatest and my back started to hurt quickly. Saturday was more bed rest. My back hurt and it was incredibly frustrating to not be able to get up to take care of my child. I admire all those ladies who are on bedrest pregnant!!

Now, this is where things go bad and quick. Tom is complaining of heartburn around 11pm on Saturday night. We go to bed and at 1am, he gets up puking. I think ok, no biggie it happens. Then, again at 2am, he pukes. Now, I'm a bit worried but just thinking to myself that it didn't all get out of his system. This continues every hour until 5am and other things start happening which I'll spare everyone with those details. I call the front desk at about 530am to find out somewhere I can take him. I also email a friend in Denver to see if she can watch Caitlin while I take him to a walk in clinic. Fortunately, she was able to help! thank god!!! life saver. I can't pick Caitlin up and Tom is in no shape to even drive. I'm thinking we are going to go to the clinic and get some meds. He was so dehydrated that he needed IV fluids. They also tested his white blood cell count to see if it's bacterial or viral. He also had a fever. It turned out to be bacterial. likely food poisoning.

So, we finally get back to the hotel around 2pm and get his prescriptions. We stayed in and rested the remainder of the day. We got up at 5am on Monday to head to the airport for our 8am flight which I was terrified for. I can't carry Caitlin or anything much and Tom is sick. Fortunately, he was much better!! Caitlin was an Angel on the plane. nothing like the way out there.

So, that about sums it up. Now, we wait and pray that this works. I'm not sure whether I will test or not. I'm playing it by ear for now. I really appreciate everyone's thoughts and good wishes. They mean so much to us!

here's hoping we brought back a little something from Denver!

Denver, Here we come!

We fly out tomorrow late afternoon, direct flight! I'm very anxious about flying with a one year old but we will manage. I still have lots to do before we go. I will have my computer with me but may not get to post another update until Thursday or Friday!

9 pills!

Well, I got my results from Friday today along with today's bloodwork results. My estrogen is low at 210 from Friday. It should be at 300 or more. My lining was around 12. So, I had my progesterone checked today as well. It was also low at 4.1. They want it at 6.

So, how am I taking 9 pills?? I am already on 4 tetracycline pills, one medrol, one prenatal vitamin, one baby aspirin and thanks to the low levels, I need to take estrace and prometrium now too! good times!

Plus, I'm taking the progesterone supps three times a day as well. It certainly beats those shots though!!!!

We are set to leave Wednesday. I will have a time on Wednesday for the transfer on Friday and will be spending Saturday and Sunday staring at the ceiling. LOL

Final Check and no call...

I had my last ultrasound and BW yesterday before I'm suppose to start progesterone. The doctor said I was around 12 which is great! I was off working yesterday so I was running all around before I realized it was 7pm our time, 5pm Denver time and no call! I called the office and it was with the answering service so I sent the nurses an email. I have yet to get a response so if I don't hear anything by 11am our time, 9am their time, I'm going to call in.

I hope they atleast got my information from the local doctor. that'll be fun tracking down the information from them if CCRM didn't get it!

We are still on track!

all that anxiety and drama for nothing! I'm to go in on Friday for BW and US, if all is well still, we are on schedule for a transfer on July 16th!

phew. crisis averted. LOL

What a relief!

I'm not going to lie. I did not agree with the decision to wait on my lining. I thought it would thicken. I had a recheck this morning and it really hasn't. It appears to be the same!!

So, even if he decides to bump me up on the transfer a few days, I am still very happy with where it's at right now. So, now we wait to hear from the nurse.

moving right along...

I heard from my nurse and they decided to do a recheck on Tuesday. There is still some room for my lining to grow so they will wait another week and see where I am at. She said worst case scenario, I'm looking at getting bumped to transferring on 7/12 instead of 7/16. Of course, it could get too thick and then, I'm done.

I'm really surprised that he didn't suggest that I start progesterone now and transfer on Tuesday. I completely trust them and I asked her if he was worried that it'd get too thick and she said no. We'll see about that. So, for now, I'll stay at 2 patches per day instead of bumping up to 3 and 4 over the next week.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this goes well!!!

This wait is horrible.

I'm still waiting to hear from the nurse and going crazy. I did check in to make sure she received everything and she said she has it but has to speak to the doctor. ugh.

tick tock tick tock

Still freaking out...

I had a recheck this morning. I'm at 11.6 and have the triple pattern, ideal for transfer, except that's not scheduled until July 16th. Now, I'm sitting waiting to hear from my nurse at CCRM. ugh.

I foresee changing flights and packing bags in my future. crap. this is going to be interesting. I just pray we can work around Caitlin's party. I don't want to have to cancel this cycle, all these meds and shots for nothing.

I'm freaking out.

I had my first check on Saturday for bloodwork and ultrasound. The RE that I use for local monitoring doesn't do monitoring for patients that they aren't cycling on the weekends. So, I had to go to my old RE for the bw and US. I waited forever.

Then, I got a message from CCRM on Saturday that I needed to get it rechecked again on Tuesday which is NOT on my original calendar. So, something is up! My nurse just called and my lining is already getting too thick. awesome.

She said they may need to move up my transfer. This causes a problem since Caitlin's first birthday party is the Saturday prior to my transfer and we already booked our flights. I really hope the tech on Saturday just screwed up!!!

Chocolate Chocolate Everywhere!!!

Ok, I LOVE Chocolate. No, I mean I really LOVE Chocolate!!!! But, of course, right now, I can't have any caffeine which includes chocolate. When I've cycled before, it really wasn't too difficult, I managed.

This time, I have been struggling from day 1. But, I've dealing with it. Well, this weekend, I was offered FREE chocolate in the mall. They were handing out flood insurance information on Hershey bars. I told the woman, sorry, I can't eat chocolate. She still insisted on giving it to me. ugh. I gave it to my husband. Then, I bought my husband a chocolate chip cookie cake for father's day. Then, would you believe that my coworker brought me in a box of chocolate to thank me for helping her? seriously, torture!!! I'm dreaming of eating that big piece of chocolate cake when all this is done. YUM!!

Here goes nothing!

So, quickest wait ever! AF arrived this morning and here I thought she'd be delayed due to all this crap I have going on. So, I put my call into CCRM to the nurse to get things started. Um, that was weird. Hello, this is .... and I got my period this morning. weirdest call!!

I'll get my lab slips for the local RE down here to do bloodwork and ultrasounds. I'm really looking forward to going down to 5 units of lupron as well!!! Although, while it was bad for a few days, I want to say I remember it being worse longer in the past. Maybe I'm just too busy this time to pay attention?! let's hope.

Now, onto the estrogen patches! fun!!

Waiting Again...

So, here I am, waiting! Since I took my last bcp on Tuesday, AF should arrive here within a few days. In the past, I've gotten it at all different times. One cycle, I got it the next day and another cycle, it took 5 days! So, just have to wait on her to arrive! I can't wait since I'll get to drop the lupron down when I start estrogen!

I was actually feeling okay yesterday.

Side Effects

ugh. They are getting worse with each passing day. The migraines started on Sunday night. They weren't too bad but I could feel them coming on. It's only been a few more days and it's much worse. I have daily migraines, neck pain and other body aches and pains. Last night, it all just hit me. I have some other stress going on in life, family drama to be exact, and I just started to cry. I realize that it's the hormones talking and at any other time, I would have just shrugged it off.

I did take my last bcp last night though! thank god. So, now I'm waiting on AF to arrive and then I can start taking the estrogen. At that point, I'll drop the lupron down in half which will help with the body aches/pains and migraines. Of course, the estrogen brings on other side effects but at least I'll be moving forward!!

Travel Arrangements Made!

Flight, hotel and car are booked! :)

Tomorrow, I take my last birth control pill and wait for my cycle to start so I can start estrogen patches. I'm looking forward to that because the lupron will decrease to 5 units then. The lupron headaches started today. It's been manageable but they only started today. I know that with each day and each injection, it will get worse. I'm ready to start estrogen!!!

Meds are in!

My medications were delivered this morning. Fortunately, it's not too overwhelming since we are doing a frozen cycle.

There's the wonderful lupron that I will start on Friday. Let the headaches and body aches begin! Then, there's the estrogen patches that will start in a few weeks. Bring on those night sweats! :) And, of course, that leaves the endometrin. I'm hoping it works better this time since I got infections over and over last time. I ended up on progesterone in oil which I would LOVE to avoid if I can since the needle is HUGE! Finally, there's two bottles of pills, one is an antibiotic and the other is an anti inflammatory!

The sooner I start meds, the sooner I'm done with meds, and hopefully closer to a pregnancy!!!

We have a Calendar!

I started the birth control pills last night. Here is the remainder of the calendar-

6/11 - start 10 units a day of lupron
6/15 - take the last birth control pill
6/21 - start vivelle patches - 1 a day, changing them every other day
6/27 - have estradiol checked
6/29 - start doing 2patches a day
7/1 - start 3 patches a day
7/3 - start 4 patches a day, changing every other day
7/9 - ultrasound and estradiol check
7/11 - start endometrin, 3 times a day
7/16 - Embryo Transfer! My estrogen and progesterone will be checked that morning in the office as well.

So, we will probably fly out to Colorado either Tuesday or Wednesday before and leave no earlier than Sunday since I have to be on bedrest following the transfer!

Here we go again...

Over the weekend, my cycle started so I put the call in to CCRM today. She's putting together my calendar and called in my medications. Schrafts has already called to set up delivery. I start the birth control pill tonight.

It's so hard to believe we are doing this again!

Waiting...

Well, this cycle had to be skipped since I had to have my wisdom teeth removed! oh what fun that was! Now, I'm just waiting for the next cycle to begin. It should start in about 10 days or so. Once that happens, I will call my nurse, get my scripts for everything and start the pill. I will get a calendar as well and have a more definite timing on everything. So, in the meantime, to pass the time, some pictures of Caitlin! to remember why I'm doing all of this...


Cate's first time in the pool! She absolutely loved it!

TEN Months!!

Caitlin at 9 months taken by our good friend (www.christopherscottphoto.com)

IVF Update

I heard from my nurse today. She called to let me know that the rest of the genetic bloodwork that we did came back negative. I wasn't too worried about it but it's good to know! So, we're officially all set to go! Plus, my cycle started today so she's able to start putting together a calendar. I have to skip this cycle since I'm getting my wisdom teeth pulled on Friday. I'll start lupron and the pill with the next cycle and they'll back me into a transfer date!

I can't believe we're doing IVF again. I just hope it works and then that's it, no more IVF ever again!

Wordless Wednesday!

The Rest of our Colorado Trip

After the workup on Friday, we met some friends at Monkey Bizness. It's an indoor playground. We were there for a couple of hours. We were just exhausted at this point from the trip, getting up at 430am the day before to catch our plane and we also got up at 4am that day because Caitlin thought it was 6am due to the time change!

We decided to have a quiet relaxing day on Saturday in hopes to get everyone rested. Caitlin slept in much later on Saturday, thank god! After her morning nap, we headed to Mimi's Cafe for breakfast. Caitlin did very well in the restaurant. Afterward, we headed to BRU for some stuff and back to the hotel for another nap for Caitlin! Once she woke up, we headed to the mall for lunch and some shopping. We bought a few small items but nothing too big since it wouldn't fit in the bags. We also visited the new American Girl store at the mall. It was very cute!!

On Sunday, we headed into Boulder with friends and had lunch at the Tea Room. It was delicious! and took a relaxing walk around Boulder. It was a gorgeous day out! Caitlin played a bit at your friend's house before we headed back to the hotel and got some dinner. I was bummed to see our trip end. We love Colorado so much and wish we could stay forever!

Workup at CCRM!! - Part 2

I was extremely nervous about the day at CCRM.

It wasn't so much the workup but bringing Caitlin there. I've been seeing REs on and off since 2006 and for the most part, it never really bothered me to see babies there. I do remember after my second fresh cycle of IVF, going to my RE for the WTF appointment, we were just devastated when it didn't work. It sucked going there but there was a girl who was being released that day. She had her final ultrasound and was pregnant. You could see how happy they were to be pregnant and moving on. And, we had just been told to pursue other options and have more testing. It was so upsetting and I didn't understand why it wasn't working for us. My point is, I didn't want to upset anyone with her presence. But, we had to bring her to Colorado, no one at home to watch her and I didn't feel comfortable leaving her with a sitter in Colorado that I've never met. I realize that she is a product of CCRM and all their great work but others don't know that by looking at her. So, we did our best to hang out in the back with her so most people wouldn't see her.

My first appointment was with my nurse. It was very nice to meet her in person since she was assigned to me after my visits last time. My first nurse had left. So, we met with her, went over everything, same old stuff for the most part so it went pretty quickly. Then, we met with the lab to sign consents, so easy as we already did this so we just did the same as before. Then, we met with the business office. Caitlin did pretty well through this, got a little fussy but it was manageable. We were so far ahead of schedule that we ended up waiting a bit since our next appt was with the doctor at 1130am and it was not even 11am.

DH stayed with Cate in the back while I had the hysteroscopy and ultrasound done. I was somewhat nervous about the hysteroscopy. I've had it done before but let's face it, these things are NOT fun. The ultrasound was first, easy! My fibroid is still there and she checked my ovaries. I still have about 15-18 antral follies so that was a relief to hear in case we need to do a fresh cycle again. Let's hope they hang around! I waited about 15 min for the hysteroscopy. I was anxious! I wanted to get it over with! It wasn't too bad. This was the first time that I met Dr. Surrey and he was really nice. He came in and welcomed me back, asked about Caitlin which I thought was nice.

Afterwards, we met to regroup. Right away, he started discussing how many to transfer. He seemed very ready to defend not transferring all 3 (all we have left). He felt that we would likely end up with twins or triplets. I was kinda laughing since we only want to do ONE this time. I guess he didn't expect that. He was fine with that and said we could always thaw another last minute if we change our mind or if it doesn't thaw well. We went on to talk about everything else, fairly easy, we've been here before. So, we finished up with some bloodwork and were on our way!

To sum it up, nothing has really changed, we still have the same issues, no new ones but with 3 embryos frozen, it isn't as challenging as last time. The fibroid is still there but in a good location so Surrey doesn't suggest surgery to remove it.

We got the go ahead to proceed, assuming the bloodwork comes back normal. I need to get my wisdom teeth out this month so we will start suppressing with the next cycle! looking at a transfer in July, sometime after Caitlin's first birthday.

what a trip! It's good to be home.

Well, quite the trip, this will probably require a few blog posts!

On Thursday, we got up around 430am. ouch. that'd be eastern time. we got to the airport around 6am, made it through security, got to the gate with plenty of time to get things in order. We boarded the flight and Cate fell asleep! I thought, wow, that easy?! She woke up about an hour into the flight. The next two hours went ok. She had a couple of screams, cries but nothing uncontrollable. Two hours into the flight, I see it, you know, that face babies make when they poop. I really didn't want to change her on the plane but I had no choice. Around 3 hours in, she fell asleep again while drinking a bottle. I had tried walking up and down the aisle and in the back of the plane with her but too much to see! She didn't nap too long this time, probably 30 minutes or so. Once she woke up, she did petty well though, eating tons of puffs and drinking her bottle.

We arrived in Denver, got our car and we were on our way! We thought great, not too bad. Before heading to the hotel, we went to visit some friends for a bit. Cate loved playing there and crawled just a bit for the first time!! so exciting! We're just exhausted from being up, so, we head to the hotel, check in and start to unpack. I open Caitlin's suitcase and it's been turned upside. It was clearly chosen to search. I wasn't too thrilled knowing some stranger has touched all her stuff including bottles! But, what can you do?!

Then, I realize, wait, something is missing. We put the small bag containing all the personal hygiene stuff in this suitcase. It's gone, nowhere. It contained all my personal hygiene stuff, makeup, contacts, glasses, etc. Wonderful. So, DH starts calling and I was pissed. very pissed. They ask us if it could have just popped open?! um, yeah, no. They totally try to blame it on us and not take responsibility for it. Hello?! I left my bags in YOUR possession.

After all the calling, we head to target to replace some of this stuff, we spent $75! Then, we head to the mall to get makeup. Of course, I use prescriptives which they no longer make so the last of it is gone! Before we head in, the woman from Frontier asks us for a list of everything in the bag. At this point, I'm just exhausted, been up for 16 hours and I'm starving. I'm lucky to be functioning. So, we get through the list and then she asks for pricing. Ok, I could understand the makeup, glasses but she asks us for prices on deodorant, brush, toothpaste and then asks how much was left?! WTF!

As we head into the mall, I remember that as we were waiting on our luggage that I saw small bags just like ours that is gone. I remember thinking why in the world do people check that small bag especially now that it costs $25 or more to check a bag! So, I told my dh, ask that lady to look, see if it made to Denver outside our suitcase, afterall, it was just a smaller bag in a suitcase so we didn't have to pay the fees. She says she will check. We go and get my makeup and she calls back. She says she found it! I'm kinda relieved but thinking we'll see if it's actually our bag.

We head to dinner at PF Chang's, yum! and go back to the hotel to clean up, shower, etc. When we get back, the bag still hasn't arrived. Sure enough, they call and were at the wrong hotel. Finally, they arrive and it is actually our bag! thank god!! So, off to bed we go! big day on Friday at CCRM.

I'll continue in another post about the workup!

Denver, Here we come!

I have an appointment on Friday with CCRM at 930am. Luckily, we only need to get a few things done, unlike before. So, lots to do, flights, car rental and hotel to book. lots more packing this time since we have a little one coming along for the ride!

I'd appreciate no mention of this on my facebook either as not everyone knows that we are heading back out there.

Here we go again!!

I just got off the phone with CCRM to find out what needs to be done to make arrangements to do another transfer. I had to leave a message for the nurse and luckily, my same nurse still works there! She was great. I'm actually looking forward to talking to her again. I'm actually looking forward to going to Colorado again.

December...

December was a very busy month with the holidays coming and since my husband works in retail! Caitlin met Santa for the first time. It went pretty well, no crying at all.


She finally moved to the tub!


Found her Thumb!!! although, soothie is still her favorite




And Best of all, we celebrated her first Christmas!!




So, that wraps up 2009...

Wow, it's been awhile!

I can't believe how long it's been since I've blogged. Life has been completely crazy and busy! I don't even know where to start with everything that's happened since September, some good and some bad.

I returned to work in Mid-October and Caitlin started daycare. She is doing very well there!! It took some time adjusting but I think we have a pretty good routine going. Caitlin celebrated her first Halloween as a flower!


In November, she started eating solids, her first was carrots! Of course, we starated with cereal but carrots were the first veggie! definitely a hit!

She turned 4 months old and got her first photo at daycare!


and we celebrated our first Thanksgiving together!


Lots more to report in December so I'll make another post!