May 15th

This is the day of my consult with the best clinic in the US. I am scheduled for a telephone consult with Dr. Schoolcraft in Denver at CCRM. There are stories after stories from girls who went there on ivfconnections.com. I've read so many stories. It's funny, I was talking to my friend, Stephanie, today and telling her how it was going. She was telling me stories about some of her friends and wouldn't you know? One of her friends went to Denver, singleton. Then, an online friend, Michele, told me her friend's cousin went there, twins. I actually got put in touch with her tonight. Her name was Hope - ironic huh? funny, I just put that together that her name was Hope. Anyways, she gave me her phone number to me, a random stranger. She was so excited to tell me how wonderful they are, she went on and on about them, definitely put me at ease. And, she did do several cycles at her local RE first as well.

I've been reading up on CCRM and came across a very interesting study that they did regarding the use of depot lupron in women with endometriosis. Basically, they give you depot lupron after the retrieval for a few months to completely suppress you. In this study, the women who used it had a 80% pregnancy rate, the ones who didn't, 50%! That's a BIG difference. For anyone reading, I do realize that this is very controversial and new. Some doctors don't believe in it. And, I can completely respect that. BUT, I am open to the possibilities of anything else that could be wrong. You have to be open to everything even if it sounds crazy. Think about it this way, 25 years ago, the first set of twins were born in the US. Anyone wanna bet that some woman mentioned IVF to her doctor and they said it was NEW and CONTROVERSIAL?? Let's face it, IVF is still new and very controversial today. And, until it's 100% effective, we have to be open to making it better for those who use it in the future. Without those woman 25 years ago trying, I wouldn't have the chances that I have today.

So, I guess my journey to baby (our original blog name) may get a little more complicated. I'm absolutely ready for it, something has to change and I refuse to sit back and not do anything about it. But, it's given me HOPE and FAITH.

ok, totally been slacking on my 5 things that I'm thankful for...
1. have I mentioned my therapist yet? yeah, Karyn is awesome!!! can't you tell how much better I'm doing since seeing her?
2. Blogging. it really helps to document and share all this whether anyone reads or not
3. Random strangers who are NICE, like Hope today, she took an hour of her time tonight to share her experience at CCRM, did I mention she has twins? and a 3 year old? an hour in her day is big!
4. internet/email - it puts me in touch with amazing people that I consider my friends now. I have entered this journey and somewhere along made these new friends. I have friends in Kentucky, Ohio, Virginia, California, Maryland, Pennsylvania, Michigan and one an hour south of me in Florida that I never would have met otherwise who offer me the most amazing support, I couldn't get through the day without them
5. IVF - yeah, ick, it's such a pain, the shots, the ultrasounds, the poking, the prodding, but really, if it was soooo awful, why would we do it over and over again?? cause it's a good thing that gives so many of us a chance at having a child.

Visitors?!? come in...

I noticed on my live feed below that there are more people reading my blog than desperate seeking spawn, noexpectationsbutbaby and I would diet for that! Of course, I love you ladies and that you comment on my blog, the support is awesome!!

So, whoever you are, comment, let me know that you've visited... Maybe a Poll...

how'd you find my blog?
is this your first time to my blog?
Do you have a blog? If so, leave the address... I'll come visit yours! :)
Are you dealing with infertility?
What state are you coming from?
Are you on the nest? If so, what's your screen name?

Thanks for sharing!

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

One Year Ago...

What a difference a year makes! It's funny, I see this alot, posts on people's blogs discussing that one year ago, they were infertile and today they are holding their baby or are pregnant. Well, my one year ago post isn't quite that. Don't I wish it was!!

So, one year ago today, that's right, a year ago, geesh, I was going under the knife. (ok, a little dramatic, but isn't dramatic more interesting??) I had my first lap, d&c to remove the big ole polyp and hysteroscopy. Of course, you realize that this would fix everything! HA! The polyp was the problem and why I wasn't getting pregnant, LOL, if only we knew what we knew today. I was so terrified, really, I was. My mom and T went with me to the medical center and all I could say was I don't want to do this, over and over again. I had NEVER had an IV before nevermind surgery and really the last shot I had was probably in the 8th grade! Of course, they got the IV in, no problem. And, it wasn't so bad. I figured that I'd be fine after that bc you are under for surgery.

Well, guess again, my doctor hadn't even arrived and I vasovagaled. how does one faint while laying in bed?? I remember, it was like floating, kinda what you would imagine an outer body experience to be like. I was sweating and fading. I remember hearing all the monitors beeping fast, I assume it was my heart rate and the nurses saying, she's vagovasaling. Then, my doctor arrives, the poor poor doctor. Luckily, she is a very compassionate doctor. I wish they all were. I apologized over and over and she said to me, please don't worry, it's stressful, I know that. They wheeled me into surgery and while I was going under, she held my hand and told me that everything would be okay just as my own mother would have done if she could be there. I'd also like to note that my obgyn no longer delivers babies.

When I woke up, all was said and done. The polyp was gone and much bigger than expected and mild endo was discovered. Of course, once I get pregnant, the endo will go away!! Being that I was having surgery, I had asked my obgyn if T could get a SA done. I wanted to make sure that everything was okay. It wouldn't be until two weeks later when I had my post op that we would find out. Of course, it was bad. I remember her saying that we did it wrong. She's never seen it that bad so we must have done it wrong. How do you do that wrong? I didn't understand that. Of course, we didn't do it wrong, she just never saw it that bad.

Well, I went off on a complete tangent. My whole point was that a year ago, I was terrified of having a lap, d&c, and hysteroscopy. Since then, I've done two fresh cycles of IVF, a FET, and had another one of those laps! One of these days, I will have to figure out how many shots I've done. In terms of being afraid of medical procedures, I've overcome quite a few of them in this past year. I used to cry when getting blood drawn. You get over that real quick when it's done 5 times in one week! It's definitely made me a stronger person. So, I guess that's what I take from this post. I'm a stronger person... I'm hoping that seeing that and typing it will make me believe it.

We're Back!

Well, I've been back for a few days, just haven't done a post. The weekend was good (too short though). We did some outlet shopping during the day. T bought a few things and I bought two shirts for work. We had a nice dinner and saw Blue Man Group at Citywalk. Unfortunately, it was raining so we couldn't walk around much. Blue Man Group was funny but weird and they chose someone from our row to go on stage, she really didn't want to go up, you could tell. On Sunday morning, we had breakfast at Denny's before leaving.

So, I've been slacking on my 5 things I'm thankful for a day (Thanks Kristen). So, here's today:

1. Several ppl in my office are out the next two days which means quiet in the office.
2. I made tuna casserole for dinner and it was delicious!
3. I'm getting a massage on Friday. It is much needed thanks to lupron side effects.
4. We're getting a tax refund! It's probably the one advantage to IVF medical bills. We had $35,000 in medical expenses last year, gulp!!! makes me sick to write that. Granted, it's not all IVF related.
5. I'm starting to feel somewhat better emotionally. I'm starting to function again, making dinner, doing laundry, T was doing all these things while I should have been.

No update on IVF, I assume it'll be another month or so. T is doing his second frozen sample tomorrow and then they will send it to DC. I'm guessing it'll be a few weeks before we know anything.... PLEASE PLEASE say some prayers that there's no problems and that we've just had bad luck.

Bye Bye Blog!

I'll be leaving tomorrow for a few days so no blogging. The computer is NOT coming with us. Otherwise, I will check the nest and all my other TTTC info. This is a weekend free of TTTC thoughts,, issues, research, etc.!

We are heading to Orlando, about 3 hours north, and my mom will be coming and staying here with the kitties. We plan to do some outlet shopping and have a nice dinner on Saturday night. We also have tickets to see the blue man group.

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!!

Today's five things to be thankful for...
1. My mom, she is awesome, always there for me - she's taking care of my kitties!!
2. 100 calorie packs of chip ahoy cookies, they are yummy! and only 100 calories
3. Tom's family for getting us giftcards to Marriott so we can afford this trip
4. Kristin - she always makes me feel better about things and she gave me an update on the preggo man today - instead of crying about it, we laughed.
5. Air conditioning, it's hot today, what would we do without it in South Florida?!?

Our 5 things for today we are thankful for...

1. Burlington Coat Factory opened near us!
2. Tom made a yummy dinner, chicken and rice.
3. I had a nice conversation w Tom's sister last night
4. We are going away for the weekend.
5. Tom is thankful that he was out of his store for a few hours at a meeting....

Busy Day

Yesterday was busy! My back and neck have been bothering me for a few days so I decided to see the doc. I know I just needed an antiinflammatory med or something. I called my primary and his response was the use moist heat 2-3 times a day w hot showers and advil. UM, yeah, this was after I told the nurse that it was so bad that I either needed to see him today or I was going to a walk in clinic. So, that's what I did. How sad is it that my primary doctor did that? I'm telling you that I'm in pain and I need to see you. WHATEVER! time for a new primary! So, I went to the clinic at 3:30, and got a VERY nice doctor. He even offered to give me an injection. Well, I'm kinda enjoying life shot free right now so I'll take pills, thank you! :P So, I got my meds and was on my merry way.

Then, at 6PM, we met with our therapist, Karyn. Tom came to this meeting. I am really liking her, she is very interactive, not like my old one. She was asking Tom questions and making suggestions, etc. It was nice and she did suggest we get away which we are this weekend! That was already in the works. My mom will be housesitting and caring for the cats. More on the getaway later. She gave us Homework. We have to write down 5 things we are thankful for each day. I'll try putting this in my blog and maybe my readers can hold me accountable. Usually, I will start these type of things and NOT follow through. So, for yesterday, this is what Tom and I came up with.

1. Jerry 2. Emma 3. our nice house 4. our wonderful marriage/relationship 5. our new bedroom set - it's made our mattress more comfy to sleep in. Now, these are in no particular order ; )

We're still getting comfortable with each other and spend more time telling her stuff that is going on but I can tell that she is going to be helpful. I meet w her again next Tuesday, just me. She said Tom is more than welcome anytime (of course) but it wasn't necessary. We discussed a ton of stuff, family dynamics, mine, his, etc. We also touched briefly on how we make decisions and if we've considered a second opinion. I told her we have briefly discussed heading out of state for another opinion. I feel we already see the best in my area and if we are going to do this one last time with no guarantee, I want the best for my money!! So, hopefully, therapy will continue to go well.

So, we didn't get in until after 7pm, then, Tom's sister called and we both talked to her for quite sometime and it was time for bed. I'm looking forward to a nice quiet evening tonight w rest and moist heat on the back! :)

First American IVF Twins celebrate their 25th Birthday!

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/23898180?GT1=43001

The first set of American born IVF twins turned 25 last week! how exciting is that!! It's quite amazing how far IVF has come. And, it also goes to show you that it really hasn't been around for very long. To think, I am using a science that I am older than, kinda scary to be honest.

In 1982, they paid $2,500 for IVF and were give a single digit of success. Let me also add that the article says that today, it averages $12,500 which is somewhat accurate but doesn't include many other items such as meds which can be as much as $5,000. It also says that several states now require coverage for ART. This is true but it's really only 5-6 states. Most people do pay out of pocket for IVF. I just felt like the article down played this while it happens to be a big part of the stress of IVF.

Okay, yesterday was a big day and I'm still tired from it all. I will have to blog about it when I'm feeling more rested...