WOO HOO!

Ok, I warn you in advance, little things make me happy. I went onto SW Airlines to see what airfares were costing for the time we need to go. I had checked 2 weeks ago and it was $99 each way per person which is a great deal! We were hoping to hold off until we got closer just in case BUT the airfares tonight were down to $89 per person per way. I couldn't resist. I booked it!! $400 to Denver and back, NONSTOP! :)

Uh Oh! Why are my tickers cut off on the end?

Does anyone know how to fix this?

New Ticker

Does everyone see it? does it look right?? :)

Happy Anniversary!!

Well, today my husband and I are celebrating 2 anniversaries. First, the good one, our wedding anniversary. We've been married 4 years although we've been together since 1994, gosh, that makes me feel old. The other anniversary is our TTC one. If anyone who reads this hasn't started TTC, don't use your wedding anniversary to kick it off! We actually started a few months earlier but it was actually our anniversary weekend away 2 years ago where I brought out the OPK sticks. Kinda depressing to think we have now been trying to have a child more than half our married life. It's amazing to think how much has changed for the better and for the worse, good thing that was a vow we took!! No big plans. This is the first anniversary we haven't gone away. There's just no money to do it with the way the economy is and after spending so much at CCRM.

We'll have a nice dinner out somewhere and hopefully have an evening that focuses just on us and not the rest of this crap.

And, back down again...

The up moments don't usually last very long. I'm so completely OVER all of this. Everything gives me anxiety, I'm just sick of it.

Great Day!

Today was a great day, the first one in a VERY long time. We went out on my BIL/FIL's boat, left around 830am and headed out. We got into the ocean and it was incredibly rough so we went back into the inlet. It was really hot but nice and sunny. The tide hadn't come in yet so the water was gross but we got to see lots of jellyfish or as my sister in law likes to call them, jellies! But, I didn't once think of this nightmare that's been going on. On our way home, of course, I realized it. But, atleast I had 5 hours where I didn't think about it. When we got home, I crashed. I was exhausted. We were suppose to have lobster dinner with my ILs but it was cancelled, major bummer! I hope everyone had an awesome weekend!

And, we're off!

It's official, first birth control pill down the hatch! I have to say for the first time in a VERY long time, I've got hope. It's actually kind of scaring me because with hope, there can be a very big disappointment at the end of this if it doesn't work. I know, be positive, but please don't say that, it's just the reality of this whole thing, some people don't get pregnant and in the end, that could be me. Back to my point, hope. Tonight, my husband and I were doing our stocking up at Bj's, we usually avoid the baby clothes but for once, I let my guard was down. The shoes are right next to the baby clothes and my husband was looking at the sneakers. So, I temporarily allowed myself to look at them, to forget this nightmare and just pretend for a moment. My husband even looked at them as well...

I had hoped to do alot of blogging this weekend about everything that has been going on but I was so busy today. I cleaned all morning and after took a nap as I was exhausted and up early. After that, we headed to the mall as I needed to get something and off to BJ's and petsmart. Tomorrow, we are heading out on my BIL/FIL's boat and to the IL's for dinner. My BIL caught a ton of lobster so he's cooking up a meal for everyone There are some things that I did want to blog about so I will get to them over the next few days hopefully. Hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend!!

Happy Halloween!

I know today isn't Halloween but Halloween is the day of my transfer! :) Well, atleast tentatively, it will depend on when my next period arrives after the bcp. I'll update more info on my calendar tomorrow.

I did get my embryos results. I don't know what quality they are but I do know that of the 3 bad, they were embryos 13, 14 and 17. Embryo 13 had an extra chromosome 4 and was a girl. Embryo 14 had an extra chromosome 2 and 15. It was also a girl. Embryo 17 was missing chromosome 16 and was a boy. Embryo 8 was the no result. So, we're left with embryos 1, 4, 5, 16 and 20. I don't know the sexes of those embryos.

This is like my zillionth post today!

Ok, the nurse called. She said a few questions, first off, PIO or suppositories? I know, everyone jumps for the supps. NOT ME! PIO and you are done! So, she's like, they do hurt, blah blah blah blah. I told her, yeah, been there, not too bad, more of a pain in the ass, ok, not literally, to do the suppositories. She said they didn't have to be done 3x a day every 8 hours exactly and it provides better progesterone being it's going right there! They've seen higher levels. So, suppositories it is. Then, she says, here's the funny part, has Schoolcraft called you yet? I said, yeah, just a few hours ago. She said, good! He was out and I did a little rearranging so you were up top. :) nice, right? Then, she says, well, you were good news so not as hard to call you. I was like, really? was I good news? because Dr. S didn't seem too enthusiastic. She said, well, yeah, that's just how he is. I said, Yeah, I know. She says, he is brillant though. I told her, don't get me wrong, I really love him! I'm way better off than I was a year ago but he gives me anxiety with his calls. He is NEVER excited. She says, yeah, I know, how do you think we feel?? Ha, I thought that was funny... If you've ever spoken to Schoolcraft, you know what I mean. Don't get me wrong, he's great, answers questions, fills you in, but he's just not excited!

Ok, calendar to come...

Follow up with Schoolcraft...

Today is all about CCRM day, geesh! Schoolcraft called to follow up, see if I had any questions. Of course, I was expecting the nurse so I didn't grab my questions. I had to ask him to hang on for a minute so I could go somewhere private. THAT WAS AWKWARD! So, I basically asked what he thought of the embryos, he said he was glad to see there were normals, pretty average results, not great, not bad. He said, it's pretty tragic to see all abnormals so this was good. I asked if the results showed a greater issue and he said no, they all had different things wrong with them. I asked how my endo played into it and he said the only issue that really is involved is with the beta 3 integrin receptors which I tested positive for. So, it's really not an issue. I asked him for a number, if he had to give me some sorte of success rate, what he thought it'd be. He asked me about the prior failures and he said about 60% which he thought is still pretty good. It definitely is but just curious to know. I reminded him how my lining got thick at home on my FET and he said that we could do some more ultrasounds after 7-10 days to check and make sure it's not getting crazy thick. He said my lining on the fresh was 14 which isn't bad so he wasn't worried. AND, I know, the question everyone wants to know the answer to, HOW MANY??? He said 2. If they don't survive, he'd thaw a 3rd.

The one thing I forgot to ask was if this doesn't work, then what? It's probably better that I don't know the answer to that question. So, now we wait for the nurse to call me back. I called her around noon my time. He ended with Good Luck and said to get with the nurse when my period shows and I told him I had called today actually. So, he said, great, let's get everything started! I thanked him, told him this was much farther than I expected to make it and that my experience had been way better than at my clinic at home. He was glad and that was that!

Where's the nurse? now I am really dying to move forward!

That was easy! Ask and you shall receive...

AF is here! :) If I had known all I had to do was ask, I would have days ago! I'll put a call into the nurse later today and get this rolling. When I have more information, I'll post. I am so excited yet scared to death....

HELLO? AF??? are you out there???

Ok, seriously, my AF has gone missing. No, folks, not pregnant. I am now on cd34 and while I may have a few signs that she's coming, I'm not sure. She really needs to get here. I can't get started on this FET until she gets here. So, GET HERE ALREADY?!?! I was pretty sick during ovulation time so that may have delayed it but this is getting ridiculous! I would like to start my birth control pill and make my arrangements. I have flights to book, hotel and car reservations to make, let's get this show on the road! I'm ready to get moving!

Results are IN!! I got my call!!

As I was leaving work yesterday, as always, I made sure my phone was within my reach while driving. I usually put my handsfree in and be prepared but I didn't. I'm not sure but I must have had a feeling the results were coming because a few minutes before I was thinking I should stay to the side just in case they call so I can pull into a parking lot or something. The phone rang and low and behold, CCRM! I thought to myself, ok, here it is. I took a deep breathe and answered. Of course, nowhere to pull over to. It was a nurse so I'm thinking that's a good sign. I think Dr. Schoolcraft would call with bad news. He's very good like that. She says, how are you? I didn't even catch her name I was so nervous. I said I'm good but I'm not so sure how I'll be in the next 5 minutes. She said no, no, you're fine. I have good news. Of the 9 embryos, 5 of them were normal, 1 came back no result and 3 were abnormal. So, there you have it! I have FIVE embryos waiting to be transferred. Of course, the best 2 will be transferred and the rest will be left on ice in case this doesn't work or for future children.

She went on to ask when I expected my period. I told her for once, I don't know. I didn't chart, temp, NOTHING! She laughed. She said well when do you estimate it so I can put you on the calendar. I told her 10-12 days which I'm not even really sure of. I think my cycle is really screwed up still. Then, I thanked her and she told me Schoolcraft would call within the next week, her hope was today. She told me that she was my new assigned nurse too. My old one left which I knew but I wasn't sure who had been reassigned to me.

After the call, I didn't know whether to cry, scream or what. I was really overwhelmed with emotion. I was headed to my parent's house after which wasn't very good timing. While they know, my dad is a dad, this stuff is too much information for him. But, I really didn't give a crap and told my mother infront of him anyways. He needs to get over it and deal. I'm not embarrassed or ashamed of what I'm doing.

So, I don't have any dates, I know that everyone will be asking but I really won't know until I get my period. I will have to start the pill and do lupron for one cycle just like I did with the fresh cycle. Then, once my period arrives after the bcp/lupron, I will start. When I have that information, I will be sure to share. Dr. Schoolcraft will call me in the next week or so to answer any questions I have.

This is where I need help. I have started my list of questions but I'm hoping everyone can give me their input. Here's what I have-

1- of the embryos that were abnormal, what was wrong with them? Does this show an indicator of another issue of why it may not have worked in the past?
2- What can I do before the transfer to help? acupuncture? anything at all?
3- Since I have Endo, how much does this play into my success? what do you think my chances of success are?
4- When I did my last FET, my lining got to be over 17 4 days before the transfer, what can we do to keep an eye on this and prevent it from happening? more ultrasounds sooner?

So, that's what I have. If anyone can think of anything else, I would appreciate it. Finally, because this is probably the longest blog entry ever!, I want to thank everyone for all their thoughts, care, interest and support. I have met some really amazing people along this journey and there are some who have now become friends I've never met, although, we will one day!

Funny Story... kinda...

Yesterday, I went to get my prenatal vitamins refilled for the 25th month. Being my husband works for Walgreens, our prescription coverage is only good at Walgreens. We never get these kinds of things filled at his store as I'm sure people would fill them and start to talk. Well, yesterday, I went to the one across the street from my work. I went up to the counter and said my name but they weren't filled. I told her that I had done it online and I didn't think it worked. I noticed she seemed soo young and she filled it. I couldn't believe she was the pharmacist, I thought she was a tech. So, I noticed her name tag said pharmd. Sure enough, she was the pharmacist! She asked if I wanted a bag, I was like yeah, I have to go back to work, don't want to announce to the world what I got. She giggled and laughed. I thought to myself, HAHA, she thought I was newly pregnant, I bet. She should check my refill history. Of course, on the way out, I grab candy corn pumpkins and the cashier is pregnant. Yeah, I get it, my punishment for getting the candy corn.

So, here's the funny part, I know everyone is wondering what's so funny? I started thinking about it and just got this odd feeling about why the pharmacist seemed weird. DUH! Here's where I'm a COMPLETE MORON! I know her!!!! I tell my husband and he's like yeah, that's her. My husband's coworker, another store manager, had us over for dinner AGES ago. There was another store manager and his girlfriend there. See where I'm going with this... It was the other store manager's girlfriend. Fortunately for me, they are no longer together and hopefully she just won't say a word. But, it got me thinking. This world is VERY small. Your "lies" catch up with you eventually. I've been hiding this for almost 2 years now. How much longer can I hide it?

So, I guess what I'm saying is, I'd like to keep this a secret. I do still want to surprise someone when the day comes that I'll become a parent however that may be. So, please be sure to keep it between me and you! and the other people reading my blog, :)

One Year Ago...

Please tell me that one of these days, I am going to have a post titled One Year Ago that tells a HAPPY Story.

A year ago today, I found out that I had ovarian hyperstim syndrome during IVF #1. Yeah, it's common, people get it. So, after seeing him earlier that morning concerned as I was not feeling well and bloated, he had told me, yeah, you have it. He wanted to see what the bloodwork said and go from there. So, I headed to Quest for bloodwork. At this point, I was told, my transfer might be cancelled but the issue seemed minor.

But, lucky me got it bad enough that not only did he cancel my transfer but my doctor decided a nice stay at NW Medical Center was in order. The bloodwork revealed that my kidneys were not working properly. At this point, I was scared, I'd NEVER been in the hospital as a patient. I spent the next 3 days in the hospital on the maternity ward. Isn't that lovely??? Not only do I have to go to the hospital, but you are sending me to the maternity ward?!? It's really not fun being in the hospital nevermind being infertile on the maternity ward after your best chance of getting pregnant is cancelled. Thank God that I did not have a roommate. If I had to share a room with someone who just had a baby, I may have lost it.

My husband spent everyday with me. He would arrive at 9am as early as they would let him and stay til 8pm. I remember spending one night in the bathroom sobbing after he left. I went in there so as to avoid the nurse in case she came in. They would come in every 3-4 hours to weigh me and measure my stomach to make sure I wasn't retaining more fluids. The worst part was no one knew we were doing IVF except my mother and father. So, I had no visitors except my husband and mother.

I really hope a year from now is better than the past year.

No Call...

Boo Hoo. I was hoping I'd get one tonight being that I was only a week off from the other girl. But, CGH is becoming so popular that who knows how many were sent in over that 1 week. I think I would have rather not known the other girl got her results. Then, I wouldn't be so anxious everyday waiting for that call. I would have been fine up until 6 weeks. oh well, what's done is done.

Did anyone think I forgot?

No worries, I did NOT forget, I know, 4 weeks. I really can't believe it. The first week was difficult and then, it was frustrating and exhausting. But, the last week did fly by by my standards anyways. There were some days of anxiety and frustrationg. Now, I'm terrified and anxious. I know that tomorrow is 4 weeks and 1 day which is the time that someone who was 1 week ahead of me got their results. Needless to say, my phone is always very close. I do not want to miss the call and have to wait over night to call back. Since they are 2 hours behind and typically call at 5:30 their time, you can never get anyone back that same night! I've had enough sleepless nights worrying over all of this.

I am praying for, of course, atleast 2 normals! But, I am really hoping for 4. This way, I have a backup plan in case the first 2 don't take. All I want out of this is a child, it's all I really ask for. I try to think about seeing 2 pink lines or the word pregnant on a test. I can't picture it. It's just beyond my wildest dreams that I will ever be pregnant and have a child.

OK, I am freaking out now!

Another one of my support message boards has threads by state. So, I am constantly checking Colorado's threads. It's very helpful with information. Well, there's a girl on there who was 1 week exactly ahead of me. AND, she got her CGH results today!! HOLY MOLY! 4 weeks! So, I'm guessing there's a possibilty I could get my results on Monday or Tuesday of next week. I can't believe it.... there goes oblivion, just when I was starting to enjoy it. Welcome Back Anxiety!!

Yipee!! 3 weeks!

21 days, I can't believe it. I'm atleast half way there if the 6 weeks is accurate, more than half way if the 5 weeks that I'm hearing is actually going to happen! I like living life like this. For the first time, I have good news from an IVF cycle and I get to enjoy it for more than a day. While this part is hard, it's got it's highlights.

still sick, feeling better but I've got a cough that is still pretty tight and making it hard to breathe. I'm not sure why mucinex isn't loosening it up.

hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend. I've pretty much spent it on my couch resting watching all these hurricanes, praying for those in it's path. AND, praying TS Hanna or anything else doesn't come my way, as well!