my head is spinning...

My beta came back and it turns out I was pg but short lived.

I got to speak with my nurse further about the abnormal APA panel. It turns out I have a few issues a slightly abnormal cardiolipin, MTHFR and high glycoproteins.

What does all this mean?! It basically means I need to start lovenox next time two days prior to transfer and also start on something called Folgard. I think that's how you spell it. I've always had this and it's nothing new. It was likely the cause for my miscarriage in August. Of course, we'll never know for sure.

so, where do we go from here? I'm really not sure. We still need to speak with Dr. Schoolcraft and find out his suggestions to help with our decision. We basically need to decide between preparing for a FET in hopes our one last embryo thaws or do another fresh. I'm really not quite sure what to do and money is the main factor here.

But, it's time for me to take a break from all things IVF related until we can start again. It's time for me to focus on enjoying life, spending time with those that I love and just doing things I enjoy. The holidays are coming up and I am hoping for a few great weeks without being on meds, needing bloodwork or ultrasounds.

There is a lot to consider and decide but not continuing on is not an option at this point for us. I'm not sure that I'll come back to blogging or not. I'll have to see how I feel when things start back up again. I really appreciate all the comments and all the emails. It's helpful more than anyone will know.

BFN

one negative digital test
one negative first response test

please no comments of there's still hope or people get neg hpts and still positive betas and no questions on what next. it only stresses me out to think about doing this again, nevermind what is next.

I could feel it, I knew I wasn't.

Well, crap.

I can't remember how much I posted about the drama surrounding all the clotting bloodwork. It was a huge pain in the ass to get it done. In the end, most of it did not get processed through LabCorp so CCRM finished it last Friday. He wanted to rerun one thing anyways because it was in the low abnormal range.

Well, it came back today. It turns out that I do have some sort of issue. If I have a positive HCG, I have to start daily injections of lovenox. peachy.

So, I guess I have my answer as to why I miscarried.

Beta is Monday now. :(

ugh. I am so bummed. I called my old RE to schedule the appt. They are the ones that do weekend stat bloodwork for me. I use another RE closer to home during the week. Well, I called to make the appointment and they don't do it anymore. I am so bummed. I've tried walk in clinics, labs, and the hospital. My only choice is to go through the ER at a local hospital but being I'm a cash patient, I'm guessing that's going to cost me BUCKS!!

My friend works in the medical field and she looked at all the labs they use, they are all closed. So, her hubby works for a local hospital and he's going to check into it there!! It's my last option. I pay $95 at the RE on Monday so if it's a substantial amount more, I'm going to have to pass. I really can't afford it if I don't have to do it.

Progesterone Check

My progesterone levels came back low on the day of transfer. They were 4.1 and should be over 6. So, I had to increase the Endometrin to 4x a day. I had it rechecked on Monday and it was 8!! If I get pregnant, I'm switching to PIO. I want to hear progesterone levels over 20!!! I know it's normal to have lower levels with the suppositories but it makes me so nervous.

Who am I kidding?! I'm just nervous. The closer and closer we get to Sunday, the more scared and stressed I get. What if this did not work?! oh crap, what if it did?! ugh. I just want to be holding another baby.

Perfect and Amazing!!

I think those two words pretty much sum up yesterday!

We arrived at CCRM around 1030am. We got bloodwork done around 11am. They took NINE vials from me! insane! but, they were running extra bloodwork to check for clotting disorders along with the regular estrogen and progesterone. After that, I headed up to the second floor for my transfer/accupuncture. They came out shortly after we got up there and it was the same woman who had done my accupuncture in July. She even remembered me. I headed back and Tom took Caitlin back to the hotel to nap. The nurse came in and I got my instructions and got my valium!

I had my accupuncture and waited for everyone to come in and out with their instructions, etc. Finally, John, the embryologist came in!! This is the part that always stresses me out! He said the embryo thawed perfectly and it looked like a fresh embryo!!! that's what I LOVE LOVE to hear! Dr. Schoolcraft came in and said hello, went over the thawing and said, well, we thawed one and it's perfect, we have nothing to talk about!! The man of many words. LOL.

Dr. Schoolcraft started getting things ready and Nicole checked my bladder via ultrasound. It really felt too full but she said it was fine. I was hoping to be able to go a bit but no luck! John wheeled in the embryo and there it was on screen! looking AMAZING!! The nurse even commented to John, it's hatched already? He said, yup! absolutely! looking perfect!!

Dr. Schoolcraft had to change speculums for some reason which made for some more discomfort especially when you need to go!!! Nicole said, just hang in there with us for a few more minutes. I could hear her telling him he was near my c section scar. I told her I'm just trying not to pee and Dr. Schoolcraft chuckled and said, I really appreciate that!! haha.

So, the transfer was done, he was really happy. He asked if this time I was going to skip the two days of labor and just head to the c section and I said absolutely! So, John summarized the embryos in storage and Dr. Schoolcraft said, one left! He said, hopefully, you don't need it! I said, absolutely not, I'm done with two kids! :)

Here's where things got difficult. The one hour rest after! First, twenty minutes flat. I was ok but did have to pee. The nurse offered a bed pain but I just can't use those. So, the accupuncturist came in and did her thing then tilted me back. UM, yeah, now I need to go now!! It got really bad. I was almost in tears. Finally, they came in and I got to the bathroom ASAP. I didn't even get dressed, stayed in my gown. I've never had that issue before but it was awful this time.

So, now we wait! My beta is in nine days. I'll be on bedrest until tomorrow morning when we head home!

I really hope, obviously, that this is it for us!!!

What a day!

I started sneezing around 3am and my nose kept bothering me so I tossed and turned until 415am when I just decided to get up. We had to get up at 445am anyways. We hit the road on time and got to the airport! Fortunately, we had priority check-in so we got to skip the lines. Apparently, on Frontier, when you book less than 14 days out, the classic plus which is priority is the same price as economy so a few perks! We were in the front row which worked out well since we had extra space. We also got tv service which didn't really help with Caitlin too much. She wasn't too interested. Although, she did very well on the flight!!

We arrived on time, got our bags, got our car and headed to the hotel. When we got to the hotel, the room they gave us was by the elevator so I asked if there were any others just so Caitlin didn't hear everyone coming on and off while napping or whatever. He was like no, but I'll give you a two bedroom suite instead! It's much more comfortable and spacious. We have 2 separate rooms so Caitlin is able to nap in there. We usually have her nap in the living area and go to the bedroom once she goes to sleep.

After we checked in, we went over to Heidi's Deli which was suggested on prior trips but we never got around to going! It was really good. Afterwards, we headed to Target for some essentials and back to the hotel for naps.

After naps, we went over to the mall. First, we hit American Girl! I was able to get some things that were out of stock online. Then, we hit Hanna Andersen and I was able to purchase this sweater dress I've been eyeing online for months! We also went and met with Santa. Caitlin didn't like him one bit!! She got upset but not too hysterical. We were able to get a decent photo of her with Santa.

So, that sums up the day! Tomorrow, we are meeting up with friends and just relaxing. My transfer is at 12:45pm on Friday but I have to be there at 1045am to start with the bloodwork and accupuncture!!