This too shall pass....

I try really hard to not get ahead of myself in this whole IVF game. What if this cycle doesn't work? What if I have another miscarriage? What if I have to do another fresh cycle? so forth and so on.

But, I realized last night that I do need to get ahead of myself sometimes. I need to remember that it won't always be like this. At some point, I will move forward in some way. Of course, I hope that it will be soon and with another child. I won't always be doing IVF and stressing over all these IVF bills which seem to be hitting me left and right now. We will take family vacations again that won't be trips to Denver to do IVF!! Instead, they'll be to Vail to vacation. :) We won't be doing this forever.

This morning, I logged into facebook and saw a quote someone had posted on facebook. It hit home for me. Tomorrow is another day and I certainly believe in miracles!

"...I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles". - Audrey Hepburn

Lucky #7!!

I realized last night that I am starting IVF #7?! I've done 3 fresh cycles and this will be the 4th frozen cycle. Fortunately, frozen cycles are so much easier than fresh cycles! Plus, the first fresh cycle was canceled after retrieval because I hyperstimmed. Also, I didn't do the transfer on the 3rd fresh because everything was frozen for the CGH testing. This will be the 8th/9th embryo/s that we transfer. Our goal is to only transfer one but one step at a time.

It really shocked me to realize how many times I've done this. Honestly, I think I've lost my mind to continue doing this. I'm just hoping it all pays off in the end. I'm hoping that I get to deliver a baby before I grow tired physically and emotionally from doing this!!

I took my first birth control pill last night and ordered my other medications for delivery tomorrow! Here we go (again)!!

CALENDAR!!

Love my nurse!! She is so great and always responds so promptly!

So, here's what we tentatively have:
10/21 - start bcp
11/2 - start lupron (shots)
11/6 - take last bcp
11/9 - period should arrive
11/11 - start estrogen patches
11/17 - Ultrasound and bloodwork
11/26 - Ultrasound and bloodwork
11/28 - start progesterone
12/3 - embryo transfer
12/12 - beta

I'm glad to be getting started but I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm not extremely anxious about this. But, I will try my very best to take things one day at a time and not get ahead of myself.

Time to get started!!

My period arrived this morning and I put my call into the nurse to let her know. Hopefully, I will have my official calendar later today and should start birth control pills on Thursday!

I was sad this morning to see my period. I know it's not likely but I always hope that we can on conceive on our own!

December it is!

After much agonizing, we have decided to transfer in December. Initially, I wanted to go with November so that Tom would be with me. But, I didn't hear one person tell me that this was a good idea. Everyone felt that December was better even if I went alone. A good friend in Denver offered to help in so many ways! She helped to ease my fears about the things that I was worried about and I decided that was best.

As luck would have it, my husband is able to go! He spoke to his boss and I'm not sure what was said but my husband said his boss said he could have off. I am so thankful and so happy that he will be with me. So, CCRM has put me down for a December 3rd transfer!

So, now, we wait for my next period when I will start taking birth control pills and lupron to get started. I have been so stressed out the past few months. There has been too much going on between work, life, the miscarriage, and extended family issues. I am going to take this next month and focus on me! I need to get back to feeling better and being happier.

I'm about to give up.

My period finally arrived yesterday. I called CCRM and was told that I needed to sit this cycle out. So, I was given two options. I can start the regular protocol and transfer in the beginning of December or skip the month of birth control and lupron leaving me with an early November transfer.

My husband can't travel after November 19th through the remainder of the year due to work. So, if we did December, I would have to go alone which is easier said than done due to some restrictions. And, the issue with the November transfer is without birth control pills and lupron, I run the risk of ovulating on my own and having a very unpredictable cycle which is very tricky when traveling. So, I'm left to pick from two crappy situations.

This only leaves me to be extremely aggravated and frustrated. I try so hard to be accepting of the fact that in order to have a child, we have to do IVF. But, it's not only that we have to do IVF to have a child but we have to travel via plane for 4 hours. It's very difficult and aggravating to coordinate.

Of course, there is always the option of waiting. But, that presents some financial issues as well.

Amongst this, I have a bunch of other crap that I'm dealing with in regards to work and a family situation. I've just had it with all of it. I am just done with all of it. I'm emotionally and physically done.

Follow Up with my OB Gyn

I had my follow up appointment with my OB today. She is the BEST!! I've always loved her but everytime I see her, I just love her more and more! She is absolutely the nicest and most caring! She talked to me for quite awhile which I didn't expect.

We went over quite a few things, possibilities of what could have gone wrong. There was not enough tissue to test so we won't ever have answers to what happened. But, she did say that with another pregnancy, I should absolutely come in right away for my own peace of mind. She said if I have any problems ever just to tell the nurse I have a problem and want her to call me. She said that I am more than welcome to come in every week if it makes me feel better. Oh boy! I think she may be sorry!! She also said next time I will only see her at every visit if it makes me feel better which it does!!!!

We discusses my fibroid again and she did an ultrasound. She said it is so small definitely not an issue. CCRM did check and do a hysteroscopy but of course, I want another opinion. Reassurance! We did talk about the cause being a sub hematoma. She asked when the first US was done being I never made it to my first OB appt. She said next time to come see her right away so she can check it out. She put my mind at ease over progesterone issues. She also suggested that I don't try to wean until 10 weeks next time which I was already going to tell CCRM just for my own peace of mind. She just wanted to make me feel better and cover everything so I felt better for next time which I really appreciated! At the end, she gave me a hug which I thought was really nice.

They tested my urine and I am already testing negative. It's so weird to be happy about testing negative?! So, they didn't do bloodwork. She said it's likely close to zero and if it's not already below 5, it should be by my next period. So, hopefully, I can start birth control bills with my next cycle and start moving forward with that process. CCRM requires that it be below 5 in order to cycle again.

I have my follow up appointment with CCRM on September 13. It's with Dr. Schoolcraft. So, I feel like that will be the last step of the physical process.

It's just a matter of getting through the emotional process which I am working on with the therapist I saw while going through all the IVF stuff for years. I saw her today for the second time. I definitely feel better than last week but still just so tired. I'm looking forward to the weekend and spending time with my two favorite people (hubby and daughter!). They both know how to make me feel better!!